TAMAR written by Amah’s Heart
“This one doesn’t look too good…too white like the flakes, too thin, too ugly, too weak, too much hair filled with lice…just too much of everything…how much does she go for…
“do not underestimate her…her look maybe deceiving…she is as strong as a Camel, she walked 100 miles from the sahara to the lakey Iceland, I swear with twail, the god of thunder and storm, she maybe thin and frail but she is one of the strongest…and she is going for thirty five shelling…that’s the price my good friend..
“hahahaha, I can’t pay such a big amount for her, I will pay twenty shelling, we are into same business and you know that she doesn’t worth it, everything count when purchasing a slave, the look and body count but she got none, she just got big eye ball and I want to buy her because you said she is strong, I just hope you are saying the truth when you say she walked from the sahara to lakey Iceland…
“is true my friend, I swear to you with the god of thunder remember, I can’t lie with the name of twail, twail strike down those that lie with his name… she is worth the price I gave you…you can pay thirty instead of thirty five shelling, I’m giving you a good price, take her…
“Well, I don’t believe in any god, I worship money, because money answers all things..i will pay twenty five, if you are not selling then I will move to another dealer, I don’t have time to waste on some useless slave…
“okay..ok bring the twenty five shelling…
I watch as the first dealer counted the money before handing me over to the second man, he was happy to be free from me, I have being with him for long and nobody has being able to buy me off, and when he finally sold me he was happy because he was not totally at lost, he bought me in the sahara, a slave market, after the merchants offload us from the sea to shore, he bought me for twenty three shelling and sold me for twenty five, after walking under the scotching sun and arriving at the present port.
The second dealer made me walk so fast as he led me with other slave through a passage way, we all seem to be between eleven and seventeen years, not more than that and I was the most frail I among them, I was tired, I was hungry and thirsty yet I have no right to complain because I’m only a slave, my fate has being predestined, but I’m not scared, I maybe in a foreign land filled with different gods, carved in different shape and sizes, I might have lost mother and father, with Joe my brother, Kathrine and Deb my two sisters to the cold hand of war, but I’m not scared.
mother has died in my arms, she has died of starvation, after the war break out, Joe has gone out in search for food but was captured by the soldiers, and killed, he was dump in the same piles of dead body, where father was thrown after he was killed, I watch from the tiny hole of our room as they set them on fire, and the smoke went high, I shot my eyes and held my breath for some second thinking I was going to die too, but I didn’t die, I needed to be strong, and after Kathrine, my sister died that morning and mother who has being ill for long gave up in the evening, I began to doubt my faith, I have question and I needed answers, I held my only remaining blood, my sister Deb, she sobbed in my arms and I hushed her severally to be quiet while trying to hold myself from screaming, so that we will not be heard, we were quiet with everything, the soldiers maybe passing, they are going from house to house to make sure that they clear off each household, any noise from us will attract them faster, I and Deb cleaned mother and Kathrine up, we combed their coyly hair into bond, and dressing them up, pretending like they were asleep and will wake up soon, that was my wish, that everything happening around us was a bad night mare, but it was real, real and close to the skin, mother was very beautiful even as she lay in death, she was at peace, I sat beside her and watch her and just hoping some part of her body will move to signify that she was still alive but nothing moved, I checked her up and it was so cold, I held her hands into mine, hoping my warm hands will warm up her cold hands up, but still nothing happened, Deb was looking out into the long street from the tiny hole I created, I see everything from their, Deb was all I got now, I use to have my elder brother Joe, and my two younger sisters, Kath and Deb, and also my loving parents, but not again, I only got Deb who was the youngest and was nine years, Kathrine was eleven years, she loved God passionately, she was the strongest among the three girls, she was kind and yet God was not merciful enough to save her from dying, he allowed her to die and allowed mother also who stand for uprightness and truth to go too, leaving the weak ones, my faith was weak, I look weak physically yet I got strength of ten people in me,
I know what mother will say in this present situation, she will say “Tamar, don’t let your heart be troubled, in everything rejoice, this world will pass one day but our soul belong one true God, even if he allows us to be strike with famine and sickness he will heal our land and restore our health, for in him we live and move, in him we have our being…
Deb has called my attention to the hole and i saw soldiers approaching our door, my stomach tightens, my heart skip, I wanted to hide Deb but if she stays in here she may probably die of starvation, I don’t want to loose her, I thought of what to do, with mother and Kathrine lying dead on the bed which seem like they were sleeping and with Deb shaking all over from fear, my whole faith weakened, I couldn’t do anything, and the soldiers hit our door with their boot, they were two they came in and I held Deb as she cry and shake, I was trying to be brave like father will do but not this time, i was truly afraid, I don’t know what fate holds for us, outside was deadly yet inside was lonely and smells of death, nowhere was safe to stay,
the first soldiers looked us up while the second passed to where mother and Kath lay peacefully, the first soldier swear as the second one calls his attention to mother and Kathrine’s dead body in bed, the first stepped out and called a wooden trucker, which they use in evacuating the dead, they threw in mother and Kathrine into the truck carelessly and the pusher pushed them to where dead bodies are kept and burned, I cried, I screamed, I want to hold mother for the last time, I want to check if she will shake, I want to look upon her beautiful face and be strengthened but she was gone, I will never see her or father or Joe and even Kathrine again.
as I was dragged outside with Deb, I look up to the sky and began to curse, I hated God, I hate him for allowing so much bad things into the world, and for letting the wicked to oppress the helpless, I hate God for allowing father to be killed in the street, father was a religious leader and he was a faithful follower of God, and yet he was killed, Joe was a young man who was trying to follow every of father’s step, he became the breadwinner when father died, he was sixteen years, and was killed as he went in search of food, God allowed hunger and sickness to take my mother and my sister Kathrine, leaving me with Deb, what kind of God is that, if he was strong enough he could have save us, and stopped the war, why do bad things happen to good people especially people with a good heart like mother and father, God allowed it.
I have unanswered question, I was filled with anger as they push me and Deb to a big open square where other surviving people where kept, we crawled upto our knees and sat on the ground, holding each other. Whatever lays ahead was far bigger than what I can face, I silently hoped I will die too, because life was like a pure definition of hell.
Deb has died after five days, she got flu in the open square and started coughing blood, I tried everything even prayed to God despite I was angry with him, I have prayed if he can save my only remaining sister I will love him again, I will apologize for every bad thing I said to him or did, I will serve him more than I have ever done, but God was silent, the flu traveled with speed all around Deb’s body, there was no good water and food, to properly care for her, I used the piece of cloth tied to my waste to cover her up from the night cold, I stayed awake through out trying to warm her up with my own body, Deb was my only family if she die what will I do, I kept begging God, but God didn’t hear me, he didn’t listen, Deb died in the middle of the fifth night at the open square, and the soldiers came to take her away, I still couldn’t believe she was gone…she
“hey, walk faster or I will be force to use the whip on you, I don’t want to touch you because you look too frail and look like you will drop dead any second, I want to resell you and make even if is a little gain from you, I gave that dealer twenty five shelling for you, and is way too much, I shouldn’t have spent such amount, you look weak and I wonder how you managed to trek from the Sahara to the Iceland, that dealer must be a good liar swearing with twail because he doesn’t want you to get stuck in his hand…I hate to waste money because money is my god, now tell me the truth…do you trek from sahara to lakey Iceland?
I looked at the man stone face, he distracted me from my saddened thought, I’m still wondering why I’m still alive, the thin and weakest one of my family, I have being shipped, smuggled like an ordinary goods, being under cold and heat, being hungry and thirsty, I have gone from hand to hand of slave dealer and yet I’m still alive, the only thing that have not happened to me is rape, I watch as other beautiful slave girls get rape in the cabin but any of the dealers that get’s to me will look me all over shake their head and walk past, I don’t look like a good food to them, only my deep white big eye balls with my full coyly hair a gene I got from my beautiful mother which was now covered with lice and dirt will scare them away and they tag me ugly, which was an added advantage too, being frail has saved me from some bad things, I was strong enough inside, I have enough strength to walk and run miles but it was never shown in the physical, my slim nature was deceiving anybody that comes in contact with me, the dealer that sold me off thought I will drop dead along the way from the sahara but he was surprise I made it, while some other slaves dropped dead and they were left there to be devoured by wide animals, just the thought of wide animals feeding on me was enough to keep me moving.
“answer me slave girl before I serve you to the circus animals by the entrance gate, you are just a mouthful to them, nothing in you will be enjoyable, speak up or can’t you speak , don’t you have a voice..
“I can speak sire, yes, he was right, I trek from the sahara to the lakey Iceland…
“then, that’s good, let’s keep going, you still have lots of trekking to do, I just hope your body can carry it, and that your hair will be cropped shot, it stinks, I wish you will be a good sale for me because I don’t deal with loss I like making profit…
am ready for whatever
that comes, and I also hope I end up as a house hold slave not as a
temple slave, where slaves are used to serve different gods, the land we
are in are filled with pagan worshipers, there are different gods here,
in every square and stops, hanged on trees and houses, everybody choose
what they want to worship, but the faith I was birth in was never
allowed here, is a taboo in this place.
But I will be giving a choice to choose the god I want to worship here if I end up as a household slave in a good house, or I will serve my master and mistress, is well expected of every slave to make their master or mistress their god, whom they will serve for the rest of their lives, I’m not afraid, I use to be but not again, I have seen too much calamities in my young life to be scared of anything.
Wherever fate lead I will follow.
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