MY PAINS Part 17
© PRINCESS MOTUNRAYO DUROJAIYE
“Do you want anything?” He asked me, but I didn’t answer him.
Oh Lord, why is all this happening? What have I done to deserve all this? I never hurt anyone. Why do I
get hurt? I don’t just understand this life. Who could have sent Abel the pictures? Who is doing all this to
me? No.. It can’t be Ibrahim, he doesn’t know Abel at all. I saw the surprise and confused sincere look on
his face, when I told him he was the one who set me up, so he couldn’t be the one, no! Kazeem my
husband’s cousin was around when I came in with Ibrahim, but he couldn’t be the one at all, who sent
those pictures to him, i thought to myself.
Where will I start from? What if Ibrahim doesn’t want me anymore after all this. What will I tell my
mom? I asked myself, crying so bitterly. The pains were just too much.
My phone started ringing, it was my mom. I cleaned my face and cleared my throat, so she wouldn’t
notice I was crying, before, I could say “hello” she she spoke. “So you have still be going out with that
Ibrahim! Have heard everything…” Before she could complete her statement I hanged up. I managed to
type to her, that I was in my house, so she won’t be worried of me. I wasn’t ready to discuss any issue
with her. I had a house of mine, but I hardly live in my house, because I always felt lonely living alone. So
most times I still stayed with my family.
I need a new phone. I said to myself, as I looked at my phone screen that got smashed.
Just then Ibrahim came in.
“Are you sure you are ok? Why you still crying?” He asked.
I didn’t answer him.
He walked to his wardrobe and brought out a pink nylon, something was in it but I didn’t bother to look.
“Have it baby, it’s yours”, he said handing over a new phone to me. I bought it for you yesterday, when i
left the hospital.” It was a new Samsung phone, the latest samsung phone at that time. This must have
cost him a lot. I said in my mind.
“Your phone screen got broken yesterday, and I felt you needed a new one, have it.” I just kept on
looking at him.
He removed my sim from my phone, inserted it into the new phone and plugged it to charge, and left. I
managed to get up to call Abel, I called him twice he didn’t answer, the third time I tried calling, he had
blacklisted my number. Tears rolled down my face again.
I went back to lay on the bed. Where do I start from now? I love Ibrahim but my mom will never, never
let me marry him. Why did I fall in love with a Muslim? why? why? why? I think it’s time I fight for love, I
have to fight, he loves me too. I said to myself, crying.
Later Ibrahim came in. He fed me, and gave me my drugs. My conscience wasn’t at rest.
Two hours later, I had regained strength a bit. I went to the living room, he was sitting, concentrating on
his phone.
“How you feeling now?” He asked. I’m fine, I answered.
“I can see that.”
We kept mute for a while, looking at me before he broke the silence. “What is wrong?” He asked.
I want to tell you something.
He looked at me seriously.
“Go ahead”, he said.
I told him I had not been cheating on him, I told him how me Abel met. I also told him he called to tell
me it was over. I didn’t tell him about the pictures that was sent to Abel.
I’m sorry, am sorry, I said crying.
He kept mute for a while. I kept on weeping. He walked up to me and hugged me.
In some few hours, we were so happy again.
Later in the night, we were in his room. He had me tightly to himself, telling me how much he loved me.
Later we started kissing, his hand went to my boos, he put off my top.
He later removed my trouser and all I was on. To cut off that, I thought it was just the kind of normal
oral sex we had always been having. Because, back then when he knew I was still a virgin, he promised
not to have sex with me, till when my mind was made up for it.
But that night was different, we both had sex. I couldn’t tell if I was enjoying it or not, I was feeling pains
also. At a time I felt so weak. Stop, stop, please, I said, but he didn’t.
When I woke up in the morning, my mind flashed back to what happened last night. I felt so ashamed of
myself. My dream of keeping myself till my wedding night didn’t come true, the dream of raising a godly
home in Christ, never seemed like it was coming true. I sat on his bed crying. He woke up, and asked me
what was wrong.
Don’t you touch me! I yelled at him.
“What did I do?” He got up coming closer to me, I raised up my hand and slapped him hard.
I took my car key on his table and left. I was driving home, when I later realized my mom would me very
mad on seeing me, I reversed and drove to my house. Those who saw me greeted me. “Wow, long time
o.” I managed to reply them smiling. When I got in, I looked around my sitting room and walked into my
bedroom. I saw a picture of me and him on my bed. It was the same picture I saw in his room. I wanted
to take the picture and destroy it, but something stopped me. I sat on my bed crying. He kept calling me,
I switched off my phone.
A week and two days later, I started feeling sick. My mind flashed back to what happened. Could, it be I
am pregnant? I asked myself in fear with my two hands on my stomach, crying. Oh no! I can’t have a
child out of marriage, what will my parent say? What if he later leaves me if I’m pregnant? I asked myself
crying. I decided to go for a check up. I took my car key and headed to my car.
I’m ready to commit abortion immediately if I discover I’m pregnant. I said in my mind, crying.
I got to the hospital, a test was carried on me, i waited patiently.
The doctor came with the reports. I was ready for an abortion immediately if I were to be pregnant. I
kept looking at the doctor as he was about to sit down, to tell me what was wrong with me. I was
shaking already.
PART 18
MY PAINS
© PRINCESS MOTUNRAYO DUROJAIYE
I was shaking.
Joy filled my heart so much, when the doctor said I had malaria. He gave me some drugs and I left
happily.
“Oh, thank you Jesus, I said as I drove back home.
For days my phone was off, I only put it on when I wanted to text my mom, so she will know I’m fine and
she won’t be bothered. I talked to my siblings and dad sometimes on the phone. After all that I switch
off my phone so Ibrahim won’t be able to reach me. I was missing my family but I couldn’t go home. I
wasn’t ready to face my mom, concerning Abel and Ibrahim issues.
Few weeks later, I found myself at Ibrahim’s house again. I had missed him so much.
” Madam, welcome o! Oga your wife done come back ooo!”, the gateman shouted.
“Madam welcome o, oga done miss you like mad ehnnn, ha, his maid said. This crazy maid again, I said
in my mind, laughing out.
Ibrahim, came out of his house. We kept looking at each other for about twenty minutes. Tears were
already dripping from my eyes.
I’m sorry, I said.
“It’s ok.”
We both went in.
“Promise me you won’t leave me again.”
I promise from my heart no matter what happens, I won’t leave you, I said drying.
He hugged me tightly. We were back again.
Later in the evening, I was about leaving.
“Don’t tell me you are about leaving?” He asked.
I’m dear, it’s getting late, I didn’t plan on staying till the next day.”
“I don’t care o, you are not going o.”
Ibrahim, hates when I don’t listen to him, and I wasn’t ready to annoy him, so I agreed on staying.
“In fact you will be staying with me okay, we will go and pack your things tomorrow, ok.”
Ok ooo, i said, laughing.
Some of my things in my house and in my parent’s house also. Just like I divided them.
The next day, he drove to my house. We both parked my things in his car. When we were done we left
Immediately.
When we got home, I started feeling somehow. It started getting worse.
“Baby, are you ok?” He asked. Yes dear, the doctor said I had malaria, few weeks ago when I went to
the hospital, I guess the malaria is back again, because I didn’t use all my drugs, I stopped it half way
when I felt better. I said.
“I think, you should go for a check up again baby.”
No sweetheart, I will be fine.
“You sure baby?” He asked.
Yes dear, I replied smiling.
“I love so much, baby.”
I love you more, I said laughing. “See her mouth”, he said jokingly. Like yours na,y I replied jokingly.
We both laughed over it.
The next morning, I was still feeling the same way.
“Baby, I think we should go see my family doctor.”
No dear, not your family doctor.
“Ok, let’s go to the hospital near us here, I don’t like the way you are at all.”
I’m not going anywhere okay, I will be fine.
“Get up, we are going now weather you like it or not”, he said, pulling me up.
Leave me! Leave me, I shouted at him, but he carried me into his car, locked the door and drove to the
hospital.
He introduced me to the doctor as his wife. The doctor asked me how I was feeling, I explained how I
was feeling to him. A test was carried out, we waited patiently for the result.
“Congratulation Sir, your wife is one month pregnant”, the doctor said.
I was shocked, the doctor noticed it I couldn’t hide it, I started crying.
“Wow! Great”, Ibrahim said.
“Yeah, but madam why did you get shocked and why are you crying?” The doctor asked me, looking
concerned.
Oh, doctor noting, I replied him. “You can’t say noting ma’am, there is something, may I know the
reason?” The doctor asked me.
Ibrahim was just looking at me, the doctor was focused on me, seriously, he was very curious to know.
Well, actually doctor, since i and my husband got married for two years now, we had been trusting God
for a baby, so I was shocked to know I’m pregnant. They are just tears of joy doctor.” I lied just to cover
up, whipping my tears with my hand.
“Oh wow! That’s great! God is good. I’m happy for both of you. So you need to start coming for
antenatal.” The doctor said.
He gave me some drugs.
We both left smiling. I faked my smile, I didn’t know about Ibrahim.
We were on our way home. ” Wow, (laughing)hahahahaha! So I will soon become a father”, Ibrahim said
happily with pride.
And you are happy, Ibrahim? I asked. “Hahahaha(laughing) of course baby.”
Please, watch well there is a car coming in front. He turned his face from me, looking at the front.
You so excited, do you know we are not married? I asked him.
“Fuck that baby, who cares?”
At this time I was crying, I never wanted a child before marriage. What will I tell my parents especially
my mom who was really against him.
He looked at my face smiling. ” You don’t need to cry baby”, he said wiping my tears with his hands.
And you think I’m going to keep this baby? I asked him.
“Hahahaha (laughing) you must be joking baby.”
I’m not okay! Who knows if this was actually your plan, for me to get pregnant?” I asked him crying.
He didn’t answer, he kept on driving.
Ibrahim, I am not keeping this baby, you just came back to ruin my life! I yelled at him crying.
I’m going for an abortion.
“Keep shut ok! You know you can’t try such.”
And who says I can’t? it’s my body and not yours.
“(laughing) hahahahah, you know abortion is against the law?” He asked.
And so! I replied him angrily.
“I’m lawyer baby, if you try it I will sue to court and I mean it, and i will win the case you know that.”
I knew he wasn’t joking with the way he said it with all seriousness.
PART 19
MY PAINS
© PRINCESS MOTUNRAYO DUROJAIYE
I knew he wasn’t joking, with the way he said it with all seriousness.
When got home, after about two hours, I told him I would be leaving the next day.
“You are not going anywhere”, he said.
I didn’t say a word.
The next day, he left for an official work, he was called by one of his clients, as he told me.
I left his house, to go search for a good hospital that will help me for an abortion. I went to different
good hospitals, but they kept saying they can’t do such, abortion is against the law. One of the hospitals
I went to, the doctor was preaching to me not to commit an abortion, I got up and walked out angrily.
I still kept on driving and I saw another hospital, I drove in and parked. I walked in, and I saw the word
“Abortion” written on top of the wall just above the door to enter. I entered, I saw a woman seated, i
greeted the woman, and told her what I came for. She spoke to me, advising me first but I wasn’t
listening to her. She told me to think about what I was about to do well before coming the next day.
That was their procedure.
Oh gosh! no! I just want this done now!, I said. “I’m sorry ma, but you have to come the next day, have
this form to fill it’s one thousand five hundred, the woman said.
I opened my bag brought out the money and gave it to her. I filled the form for an abortion. I left angrily,
I wanted to still go in search for another hospital, but I was too tired. I decided to go home, but there
was no need Ibrahim will still come to my house to look for me and I didn’t want to go to my parent’s
house. So I drove back to his house.
As I was driving, my mind kept telling me, “Abortion is a sin, thou shall not commit murder. It kept on
disturbing me. I almost ran mad, as I wasn’t myself hearing those words.
When I got to his house, I walked up to his room and sat on his bed crying. I wished I never followed him
back that day. what if i die during the abortion? I asked myself, thinking.
Many things were running through my mind.
Oh, Lord help me! I’m sorry. I said, crying.
In the evening he was back. I pretend to be happy, so he won’t know my mind was still made up for an
abortion. Welcome sweetheart, how did everything go? I asked smiling.
He was surprised my mood had changed.
“It went well baby, how is my baby doing?” He asked. Thank God it went well, baby is good.
He kissed me on my cheek.
I prepared dinner.
Dear, dinner is ready, I said from the kitchen.
“Wow, that’s nice, serve it now baby, I want to eat.”
Go and take your bath jhoor, I said jokingly. We laughed and he left to his room, to do so.
After dinner, we were in the sitting room watching, “MTV BASE” that was his favorite channel and mine
too, so we had no problem fighting over the remote to change a TV channel.
He sat down, i rested my head on his lap, he was touching my hair.
“I’m happy your mood has changed, baby.”
Yeah, I said laughing.
Have decided to keep the baby. “Wow, our baby not the baby.” Whatever, I said. “I’m so happy you
changed your mind baby, that’s why I love you”, he said kissing me.
Only if he knew my plan, I will commit an abortion and leave your house tomorrow, I said in my mind, as
I smiled.
“My gateman, told me you went out today, where did you go to.
Oh no, I said in my mind.
Yes dear, I went to search for a good hospital, I will be going for antenatal. I didn’t want any near
hospital, I said to him.
“Oh wow, so which hospital did you find, and what’s the name?” He asked. I told him the name and the
place.
“Hmmm, ok”,he said, with is eyes fixed on me. Why the hmm don’t you believe me? Why are you
looking at me, like that? I asked him.
“Noting, how am i looking at you? Of course, I trust you baby”, he said smiling.
We talked about a lot of things, before we went to bed.
It was 5:06am in the next day in the morning. Ibrahim,was awake.
Where are you going to, why are you up this early? I asked him. “Sorry baby, I forgot to tell you, I have
something very, very important to do this morning.”
I’m sure it involves a big amount of money, I said smiling.
He just laughed. Mr lawyer, i said jokingly. “Lawyer’s wife, he replied.
We both laughed.
Dear, I’m feeling somehow I want to go for a check up today.
“What’s wrong with you? are you ok? He asked.
It’s noting serious dear, just want to go for a check up.
“What time will you be leaving? Should I call my driver, to drive you there?”
No dear, no need, I will drive, I will be leaving around one or two, I said. “Ok baby take care of yourself
well, don’t let anything happen to my baby, he said and kissed me on my cheek.
His last statement hit me hard.
By 6:02am he had left already. I went back to sleep.
I woke up at 9:15am. I had my bath and ate. By 1:15pm, I left the house to the hospital. When I got to
the hospital, I packed my car, and headed in.
“Abortion is a sin, thou shall not commit murder.” My mind kept on reminding me. Fear filled me. No,
no, no I can’t keep this baby, I can’t have a child when I’m not married. What will my church members
say, sometimes I preached about immortality in church. What will my parent say, especially my mom if
she gets to know I’m pregnant, for Ibrahim, I said in my mind crying.
“Don’t let anything happen to my baby.” I recalled his statement, and it hit me so hard again.
I decided to turn back.
No, no, no, I said and turned back. I cleaned my face and walked in.
Good morning, ma, I said.
“Good morning”, have your seat. How may I help you?” She asked.
She was the one I saw yesterday, well I didn’t get surprised, she sees a lot of faces every day.
I’m the one who came for an abortion, yesterday ma. “Did you fill the form?” She asked.
Yes, I did.
“Ok, what’s your name? She asked and I told her my name.
She searched some files and brought out the form I filled. She kept on looking at the form I filled.
Please, be fast let me leave here jare. After today, I will leave his house, to somewhere else, may be
stay in an hotel before I find another house, so he won’t know my whereabout. I Will just message him
on WhatsApp and tell him I’m sorry I did an abortion, I didn’t want to have a child before marriage, I
said in my mind, as I kept on looking at the woman, who was seriously concentrating on the form I filled.
The woman
spoke.
“I’m very sorry, we can’t do this abortion for you.” Why? I asked angrily.
“A letter from court came to us this morning, with your name on it saying if we go ahead with the act of
abortion, our hospital will be sued to court for an illegal act. Abortion is against the law, you know? We
just try to help here,
She said.
Wow! No! I yelled out crying.
“I’m so sorry, we can’t let such happen.”
I walked out crying, I knew it was Ibrahim, but who would have done that.
Did he see me, did anyone see me and tell him? I asked myself crying.
I entered my car, and drove out of the hospital, when I heard someone call my name.
I wined down my glass to see who it was clearly.
Lo and behold….
PART 20
MY PAINS
© PRINCESS MOTUNRAYO DUROJAIYE
Lo and behold.
it was Ibrahim.
Oh my God! I screamed in my mind.
I was about to speed off to leave, when another car drove to my front.
Oh, no! I screamed.
I got down from my car. Ibrahim, walked up to me, and forced my car key from my hand. He went to the
person who drove in front of me, they talked for like two minutes, and the person drove.
“Get in, I will drive”, Ibrahim said.
I stood still looking at him, tears were dripping from my eyes. He pulled me inside my car, and closed the
door. He entered and drove off.
I was sweating, even with the AC that was on in the car.
“(Laughing) hahahahah, why you sweating baby? And how was your day at the hospital? hope you
feeling okay now?” He asked.
I didn’t say a word.
When we got home, we both sat down in the living room, we kept mute for a while before I spoke.
Ibrahim, what the hell did you do! I screamed loudly at him in anger, I was shaking and crying.
“What did I do?” He asked.
You know what you did ok! I said. “I do a lot of things everyday, baby, so what exactly did I do?” He
asked.
Stop the pretence ok!!! I yelled at him.
“If you can’t tell me what I did, then stop shouting at me.” What did you send to the hospital? I asked.
“(Laughing) hahahahaha, what latter did you send to the hospital”, he repeated what I said laughing.
“Am a lawyer, baby.”
And so! I said crying.
He stood up. “You thought you were smarter, hahaha, my friend Jide, saw you at the hospital, he told
me everything. He was the one I spoke to, at the hospital before he left.”
Oh no, Jide was his friend I met two years ago.
“You lied to me, you lied about everything. I know you to be smart, but you can’t be smarter than I’m. I
won’t say a word to you, he said and left to his room.
I sat down crying. Oh Lord! I never imagined my life to be this way, the pains are too much for me to
bear.
For three days, we didn’t speak to each other, he just kept on watching me.
“Will you stop crying all the time, I don’t love to see you cry baby, consider our baby too. I know things
are not working out as we imagined it to be, but please remember we promised each other then, we
were going to fight through even if both parents were against our religion.
My mind flashed back to the day we made that promise, I was still in the university then, in my 200
level.
“Baby please forgive me, I can’t let you abort my first unborn child. Please baby, he said on his kneels,
wiping my tears with his hands.
“I understand how you feel all the time, you don’t just consider how I feel at all, that’s why you react like
that most times. Baby please, don’t leave me and don’t abort our unborn child. You have added so
much positive influence in me right from the day I met you. I love you. We will scale through baby, I
know, just like the way you always tell me “the impossible is possible” baby don’t give up now. I know
you to be very strong, let’s just endure this. Please.”
I was still crying. He stood up, hugged me and wiped my tears.
“Let’s go out and have dinner. I agreed and we both left. He drove to a very far nice eatery. We had
dinner there.
The next day, I was sitting in the living room, he walked up to me.
” Baby, I have something to tell you.”
Go ahead. I said. “I told my parent you are pregnant.” You did what..?? I asked him.
Oh no what was his mom going to do since she didn’t like the fact I was a Christian, although I pretended
to be a muslim, she later got to know the truth later, she hated the fact I was a Christian.
Oh no! what will happen now? I asked myself in fear.
PART 21
MY PAINS
© PRINCESS MOTUNRAYO DUROJAIYE
I asked myself in fear.
“And she wants you to come stay with her for the time being”, he said.
I’m not going anywhere. I said.
“Please baby, she will be here tomorrow.”
What! I yelled out.
“Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier”, he said looking at me.
I was confused on what to say.
“Yeah, she wants to have her grandchild around her, remember am her only son.”
She wanted a grandchildren around her, because Ibrahim’s elder sister lived over seas, and she visits
Nigeria once in a year. Have met her twice. Her husband’s mom does not allow her to take her
grandchildren to Nigeria, saying Nigeria is a bad country. She only came with her children once to
Nigeria, I guess that’s why she was happy to accept me, so she could have a grand child she could see
most times. She loved kids, I thought in my mind.
The next day, Ibrahim’s mom came. I greeted her, she hugged me happily.
I prepared food, and the three of us.
“Wow, you are really a good cook, omo to da”, his mom said, smiling.
Thank you ma, I said smiling also.
“Yeah, she’s a good cook mom, I knew that the first day I came to her house she cooked for me, when
we were still in the university”, Ibrahim said smiling.
His mom laughed.
I flashed back to the first day he came to my house when we were still in the university.
Why are you looking at me like that? I asked him. “Remembering, how you looked then in the university,
you looked far younger then, but now you are getting old”, he said jokingly.
If I’m old, then what are you? Am not old I’m still in my 20s ok, I said jokingly.
We all laughed over it.
His mom slept over in his house till the next day.
In the morning, we had break fast. We were ready to leave. My things were being packed in his mom’s
car.
Her driver was in the car already, his mom sat in front, me and Ibrahim sat at the back.
As we kept going, I was very calm I didn’t say a word. I didn’t know what to do anymore. A lot of things
were running through my mind.
When I came back to myself, after being deep in my thoughts I sighed, Ibrahim asked me what was
wrong.
I’m fine, I said faintly.
His mom turned back and notice I was feeling cold. “Kiloshele”, she asked.
She instructed the driver to put off the AC, and whine down the glass, the driver did as he was told.
“Why didn’t you talk that you are feeling cold?” She asked.
I’m sorry ma, I replied.
She turned to her front. Ibrahim, kept on looking at me, I’m sure he didn’t like the way I was behaving. I
kept looking out the window as we were going, a lot of things were running through my mind. The
pregnancy had caged me down. I wished I could just use my hands to remove it from my stomach, I
would have been so happy again. Tears kept dripping from my eyes, but I whipped it off immediately so
they won’t notice.
When we got to his house, I was welcomed by his dad.
Food was served, we all ate happily. Although, I was pretending to be happy.
At night we were to sleep in his room in his parent’s house.
Please, we can’t sleep in the same room, go and sleep in another room, I said to him. He didn’t say a
word, he just left. I knew he was angry but I didn’t care.
The next day in the afternoon, around 3:15pm, his mom called both of us. His dad wasn’t at home.
I came first, then he came and sat beside me. I looked at him angrily. Why didn’t he sit else where? I
asked myself angrily.
He knew I was angry he just looked at me and turned his face.
“Dear, I’m happy things are now working fine between you and my son. Mummy’s pet, I said in my mind
looking at him angrily, but I didn’t show it.
His mom loved his so much ehnn.
“And I think you should let your parents know also, as you know your parents have to be in agreement
for both of you marriage soon”, his mom said. Marriage, oh Lord, I said in my mind.
She kept on talking but I wasn’t listening, my mind was far away. How will I tell my mom? I asked myself
as I cried in my mind.
“It’s almost time for prayer, let’s start leaving”, his mom said.
I still sat down, Ibrahim and his mom got up. “Dear, what’s wrong? Are you not going with us?” His
mom asked.
I looked at her surprised, I also looked at Ibrahim surprised, as he wasn’t saying anything. She saw the
surprise look on my face. “But you agreed with my son before coming, that you will convert to a
Muslim”, his mom said.
I looked at Ibrahim surprised. Oh no this can’t be. I am sure Ibrahim didn’t tell that, because he knew I
would have refused to come.
“So why are you surprised?” His mom asked.
I pretended like Ibrahim had told me.
No ma, not that, i was just surprised it’s time already.
“Ok my dear, let’s go now”, she threw an hijab at me.”
We were heading to the car to go to the mosque.
No, no Lord Jesus I can’t go to the mosque. I can’t forsake you Jesus! I said in mind crying.
“Why are you still waiting?” His mom asked.
I raised up my face, to look at her.
MY PAINS Part
#OpraDre
To be continued.
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