A Year After We Got Married by Aderemi Badru
A year after we got married. I discovered that whenever I bring up a discussion between my wife and I, I was the only one speaking. Whenever I told my wife that we need to discuss, she will be reluctant to and I never knew why, she always did that! One day, after I have done all the talking, I asked my wife to also say something, she smiled and politely said, “have you finished preaching”.
In anger, I replied her, “why will you say such a thing?”, then she said “because since we have been in this relationship, you have always been talking to me, you have never talked with me”. I could not argue with her because i know that she was right.
So I began to learn what it means to discuss with my wife.
My friends, there is a natural tendency for every man to assume that he only has to speak and be heard in a relationship because of the ego of manhood. The error remains that we have been made to think that leadership is all about giving orders and command. Therefore, what many of us have been doing is giving orders and command to our spouses.
Another error that I discovered is that I was manipulating my wife to always agree to my point in unconsciously. All I was doing was explaining why she needed to agree with my points, i was not allowing her to process the information given to her and to give her own opinion on his issues.
Moreover, i discovered that I was not a good listener and there is no way you will be a good leader if you are not a good listener. Speaking with someone entails listening to the person. There is a vast difference between hearing what someone is saying and listening to what the person is saying. You need to move beyond hearing to listening.
How do you do that? Put whatever she is saying into consideration. Don’t just say to her “what is your opinion” when you have already made up your mind on what to do. Listening to that person entails putting yourself in the shoe of who is speaking to you.
Finally, there is no communication when your spouse is afraid of talking to you. When someone expresses the fear of being misunderstood, he or she might take a deliberate stand of always been silent. Witchcraft is intimidating someone, manipulating someone, and dominating someone. Therefore, if you do that in your relationship, you are practicing witchcraft and until you stop that, your marriage will not work.
Please let your spouse have her opinion. Listen to her opinion! Don’t intimidate her with your position as the man, don’t manipulate her with your words and make sure you refuse to dominate in every discussion.
You have two ears, listen twice before you speak once.
I hope this helps?
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