Teenage Pregnancy By Nkechi Bianze
About 19 or 20 years ago, there lived two teenage girls in the small town where I grew up. These girls were a couple of years older than I am, and they were quite popular.
When they were both in SS2, they both got pregnant almost at the same time.
One of them went to have an abortion with a quack. She couldn’t bring herself to telling her parents, who were very devote Christians, because she thought they would kill her, or force her to get married to the father of her unborn child, at such a young age. Well, she bled to death less than 24hours after she had the abortion.
The other one told her mother. Her mother beat her, and her parents were really angry, but they still played their role as parents.
They asked the girl what she wanted, and she said that since her friend had just died from abortion the day before, that she wasn’t going to have an abortion because she’s scared she might die.
While she was pregnant, her parents hired a few private home teachers to teach her her core subjects. She was asked to read and study the rest out herself.
She went back to school the September after having her child. Did her WAEC and JAMB exams, and passed.
She went to University to study. Her parents took care of her child till she graduated.
She got married to the father of her child during her NYSC.
This lady is in her mid 30s now, and that child should be about 18 or 19years old today. They went ahead to have two more children. And they are doing fine as a family.
I have an aunty who got pregnant in SS 2. She took a year off to have her baby. Went back to school, and graduated as a pharmacist. She got married at 27, when her child was 10.
Teenage Pregnancy
Why these stories?
Nigerian parents need to be realistic in the way they sex educate their children.
While telling your girls to abstain till the right time, let them know that they can confide in you.
The difference between the girl who died and her best friend who is still alive and happily married is that one of them had parents they could tell their secrets and confide on, while one of them had parents who built a wall between them and their kids all in the name of being strict.
A good parent isn’t just a disciplinarian. A good parent is a combination of a disciplinarian, confidant, friend, role model, etc.
Establish a relationship with your children so that they can trust that even though they haven’t made the best decision, they can come to you when they run into troubles and problems in life.
Secondly, a girl does NOT have to get married to a man who gets her pregnant. Stop forcing girls to get married to men who impregnate them. This is how some people are forced into loveless marriages just for one wrong decision.
As odd as it might sound to you, millions of people have unprotected sex with people they don’t intend to marry.
In the first story I wrote, the girl grew up into an adult to realize that she was still genuinely in love with her teenage crush, and father of her child. The feeling was mutual, so, they got married. So cute, but it doesn’t work that way for everyone.
My aunty wasn’t in love with the father of her child. So, when she became a grown woman, she fell in love with another man and got married to him.
Teenage Pregnancy
One of the first serious sex education my mum gave me was something in this line…paraphrased… “Nkechi, try to abstain from sex till marriage. If you must have sex, use a condom. If you mistakenly get pregnant, do not take any decision and execute it yourself. Let me know, I might be angry, but you will still be my daughter, and I will get you the best medical care money can afford. It will be solely your decision, but I will be there to guide you in the right path, and help you when you need help.”.
That a girl got pregnant as a teenager shouldn’t be the end of her life.
I will give my girls exactly same advice my mum gave me as a child. And I encourage every parent to do same.
Tell your girl to abstain from sex till the right time.
Tell her that if at all, she should use condoms, as this won’t only
reduce the risk of STI, but also reduce the risk of unplanned
pregnancies.
Tell her that if anything goes wrong, like STI or
unplanned pregnancy, that she can confide in you so that you can guide
her through further decisions.
If your child can’t confide in you, they will confide on strangers, and those strangers might lead them the wrong path.
A girl does NOT have to drop out of school just because she got pregnant as a teenager.
People make mistakes in life. Teenagers make the wrong decisions sometimes. But these decisions don’t have to destroy their future or life.
This does NOT encourage promiscuity. It’s just a way of letting your child know that if he or she makes mistakes in life, you will always be there to help them mitigate it, and still love them the way a parent should love her child.
Teenage Pregnancy Nkechi Bianze
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