PRANK WENT WRONG Final Part 2 – Ezekiel Umoren

PRANK WENT WRONG Final Part 2 – Ezekiel Umoren

To start with, my people were not happy with the situation. Some of them scolded me for playing such an expensive prank on my wife.

Some were angry with my wife for taking the matter to her people without first confronting me.

Some were neutral, while some laughed over it.

At last, we made it to my wife’s place.

Messages were sent across and within few minutes, my in-laws were complete.

The meeting began.

One of them stood up to address us. “Our in-laws, you’re welcome to our house. Your house of course, because the day you married our daughter, we became one…”

“We are not one”, one of the elders interrupted with so much anger in him. “We can never be one. They are our slaves. When our fathers fought the tribal war, we conquered them and made them work for us as slaves.

That we gave them our daughter in marriage does not make our houses their houses. Chief Okor sit down if you don’t know what to say. A slave and the master can never share the same table. They are slaves, place them where they belong.”

That did not go down well with my people.

There is a man in our family whose name is Cheif Afai (Violence). He is in his 80s but very agile. True to his name, he is known for his violent attitude.

He jumped up from his seat and angrily refuted the man’s claim.

“Eesssssh! Shut up. Stop that nonsense. Is this why you sent for us? What gave you the right to talk when men are talking. Are you a man? What makes you a man? Do you think any man will ever come under your roof to marry your daughter? Impotent like you. I have given out 15 daughters in marriage. 15 of my own daughters produced from this my pen!se.

Can you point your finger to a child of yours? Do you even have 1? What makes you a master and me a slave when you can’t boast of a single child of your own? You are here crying more than the berieved. Don’t force words from my mouth. Ah! Ah! Instead of listening to your inlaw’s side of the story, you summoned us here to spit on our faces by calling us slaves.

Can’t husband and wife play in their respective homes? If you had cultured your daughter so well, she would have known that a man can marry as many wives as he wants. I have 6 wives and 26 children and none of my wives has disgraced me like this. This is nonsense. Chai! Chief Afai Akpan Udo Ekpo Anan Udo Isong Umoren, you have really been disgraced.”

See casting on top my small prank.

“Chief Afai, please calm down. Sit down please. We didn’t come here for war,” one of my kinsmen adviced.

“Don’t you tell me to sit down. If it is war they want, I will give it to them. A barren woman should not speak about someone’s child in the council of men who own many children. He should withdraw the statement and apologize for calling us slaves.”

The pandemonium lingered until that man was prevailed on to withdraw the statement. He did and also apologized for calling us slaves.

No be small matter ooo.

Finally, peace was restored and the meeting continued.

“Like I said earlier,” Chief Okor continued, “we are one. Our house is your house. Our daughter is your daughter and your son is our son too. We sent for you because our daughter brought a report to us concerning your son. According to her, your son has acquired a marriage list from another family, and the woman in question is pregnant for your son.

So our daughter returned home and told us she will no longer marry your son because she does not want to have a co-wife. She said we should refund her bride price, that is why we sent for you. My people, have I spoken well?”

“Yes! You have spoken well,” my wife’s kinsmen echoed.

“Our inlaws,” Chief Afai continued, “I won’t be afraid to say that you all did wrong for not allowing our son to say something when you sent for him yesterday. You should have listened to him first. If you had done that, I tell you there would have been no need gathering here today. This is uncalled for, as far as I’m concern. My son will speak for himself, and after that, we will know what to do.”

I stood up and painstakingly explained what really happened. I showed them the Sim and the message I sent. I explained to them that I was pranking my wife, that I was waiting for her to ask me about the message, but instead of asking me, she decided to go home and report to them.

Convinced by my explanation, my wife and her people were very surprised and ashamed.

“Oh my God!” my father inlaw exclaimed. “Children of nowadays will not kill us. What a wasted effort!”

“That was why I said you people should have listened to the young man in the first place. If you had done that, we wouldn’t be here. However, now that we are here, what should be done should be done,” Chief Afai submitted.

After few people had spoken, my wife was called to confirm if she was still interested in the union.

“My fathers,” she began, “my inlaws, I know you all are angry with me right now. You are right to be angry. However, before I’m castigated, just know that no woman can stand the sight of knowing that her husband had collected a marriage list from another family whose daughter is already pregnant. I did what I thought was right. I allowed emotions got a better part of me.

Now I have seen I should have confronted my husband before coming here. For that, I am deeply sorry. If there is any way I can undo this deed, I will. As for my husband, I never stopped loving him even for one second. He is still my husband and I am still his wife. Once again, I am deeply sorry.”

Everyone turned to me as if they wanted to hear me say I was no longer interested in the marriage.

Who sai!

“Fathers, to be honest, I didn’t bargain for this. I didn’t want it to end this way. It was just a husband and wife play. I had no idea what my wife was planning to do. I’m very sorry for the stress this has caused you. Accompanying me here to take my wife back, I am grateful.

My inlaws, I’m sorry for stressing you. I promise you, something of this nature will never happen again. I love my wife and will never plan of taking another wife. Thank you for your understanding….”

“Ehhhmmmm! Young man sit down,” Chief Afai interrupted me. “We didn’t accompany you to come and take your wife home. We honored the summon our inlaws gave us over the stup!d and insensitive behavior you and your wife displayed. In our days, that is when we were young, there was nothing like pranks.

If you ever want to marry another wife, be a man and talk to your wife, not cutting through the corners. You are the head of the house. You children of nowadays, you carry this church issue on your head, you don’t want to marry many wives because your Bible forbids it. That is why I like my tradition. And I keep telling people to come and practice this tradition that our forefathers practiced. It will make you live long.

Look at me, over 80 and still strong. Who amongst us here is upto 80? Any one? No, you want to go to church. That is why, if anybody wants peace with me, I give the person peace. If the person wants war, I give him war both physically and spiritually.”

He paused, stared at the man that called us slaves and continued.

“Well, I don’t want to talk much so that I won’t get angry. For bringing us here over a nansense prank, you both have a fine to pay as tradition demands. Since it started here, we will respect our father inlaw by returning to this same place next week Friday to end it. Both you and your wife will join hands together and bring the following items: 5 tubers of yam, 1 bottle of Kai Kai, 1 bottle of assorted hot drink, 10 litters of palm wine, 1 carton of bear, 1 bottle of snuff, 1 pod of cola, 1 big she-goat and N5000. These are what you give when you decieve the elders. My people, have I omitted anything?”

“No oooo!” everyone echoed from both families.

“Very well then,” he continued. “You are free to go with your wife, but don’t fail to bring us back here on Friday next week,” Chief Afai concluded.

My people, that was it.

Everybody dey do prank ooo, e reach my turn, dem turn ahm to wetin I no know.

Small prank wey I do, dem don gimme list.

God help me.

If I ever do prank for this life again, make I bend.

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THE END.