MY WIFE IS PREGNANT Final Part – Praises Chidera Obiora
Yesterday when I got home, my pregnant wife ran to welcome me. She was holding a knife in her hands and shaking her waist from left to right. My wife was very excited. She kissed me and immediately ran outside.
My eyes went to the plate of food on the dining. It was covered and emanating hot steam. I was surprised and happy at the same time because this was the first time my wife was cooking since she announced the news of her pregnancy to me.
I opened the plate of food to discover she had prepared a hot plate of vegetable soup and pounded yam.
I pulled out the baby car from my briefcase and dropped it on the dining table.
I was starving.
Without wasting time, I began to eat like a hungry lion.
My wife entered back into the house. She was looking confused. She kept looking around the room. Then she looked at me.
“Praises, where is the car?”
I licked the soup from my hands and looked at my wife.
“Get me drinking water first. A cold one.”
My wife ran to the kitchen and returned with a cup of cold water.
“Where is the car na. I want to see our baby’s new car.” My wife spoke in excitement.
I pointed to the rubber car on the table. My wife shouted Jesus. The knife she was holding dropped from her hands.
“What is this? What kind of nonsense car is this?”
“It is for our baby na. You told me our baby needs a car.”
“Yes, I told you our baby needs a car. But I didn’t tell you our baby needs this kind of car for God’s sake. This is not even qualified to be a toy for our child.”
“How do you mean.”
“Our baby needed a big car. A large car. A car that I and him can enter and drive to the market and back. Just like my friend Kemi. He needs a car like her own.”
I stopped licking my hands and was now looking at my wife.
“You mean all this while you were talking about real car?”
“Of cause yes. A real car.”
“The kind of car that has engine and wiper?”
“Yes. A real car.”
“Like the car that has driving license. That type that road safety do check on the road?”
“Praises a real car. Don’t you know what a real car is again? That is what our baby needs.”
“Ah!”
“Yes. See you need to go back and plan o. I cannot believe that I spent the whole day pounding yam because I thought you will bring me a real car. If you were not bringing the car, you would have brought me my fried rice and chicken. Which kind of problem is this?”
My wife picked her knife and walked off. I lost appetite for food and washed my hands.
This evening I returned from work and heard my wife talking with Kemi on the phone.
“Kemi this plan is not working at all o. You cannot believe my husband brought a toy car and handed it to me. All this while I was thinking the man was planning on buying me a car. I even borrowed money to cook vegetable soup and pounded yam for him. Only for him to bring an empty can of water and straw home. He doesn’t know me o. I will frustrate his life in this house. He thinks I am playing with him. I will just poison his food. He is playing with me.”
I opened the door and walked in.
My wife dropped the call.
“Welcome. Your food is on the dining table.”
“Which food?”
“Your food.”
“Hmm!”
My wife refused to talk to me yesterday and this morning.
When she noticed I was coming from the left, she took the right. When I was coming to sit with her she stood up and left.
When I could not hold it anymore, I asked her.
“Because of our baby’s car? Is that why you are fighting me?”
“Yes o. Yes. It is because of the car. Until you buy the real car I will not stop fighting for the right of our baby.”
I stood up and walked to the bedroom to lie down. I was not happy. I remembered how my life had changed so quickly after my wife announced she was pregnant.
I remembered the times I cooked and served her food that I had not eaten in a long time. All the times I woke up at night and ran to the kitchen to make food for my wife just because the baby wanted it. All the enjoyment she has been having in the past four weeks.
I remembered it all and started wondering if this was how my father suffered when my mother was carrying me in her womb. Because I know I did not appear to my mother and request for a car. Why will my own story now be different?
I pulled the drawer open and brought out the pregnancy test result she had handed me a month back.
“This was where the whole problem started from.” I grumbled.
I stared at it again and the only thing I could understand was the name of the hospital which was boldly written. The handwriting on the result looked like one that was written by an angry child. I could not understand anything that was being written.
I decided to take the pregnancy result to a doctor who stays behind our house to help me read it.
Doctor Sule is his name.
He collected the result and stared at it for a while.
Then he smiled.
“Doctor, is she pregnant?” I asked.
“Pregnant? This is not a pregnancy result na.”
My jaws dropped.
My eyes opened.
I moved closer to look at the result.
“If this is not a pregnancy result, what is it?”
“This is a covid-19 test result. It shows that the patient doesn’t have Covid-19. The test is negative.”
“So you mean, this is not a pregnancy result.”
“No sir. Who owns this?”
“It is my wife’s result.”
“Wow congrats to her. She is negative, Mr. Praises.”
He looked at the result and smiled again. I was in turn looking at him.
“You see, we advise people to go for the covid-19 test at least once in a while just to be sure. I personally advise my patients to take the test seriously.”
“Doctor you will not understand how much I have suffered.”
“It is always like that Mr. Praises. It is always like that. Thank God it is negative.”
“Yes, doctor. Thank God it is negative.”
Doctor Sule will not understand the part of the negative I was thanking God for. But in my heart, I couldn’t stop thanking God. Thank God my wife was not pregnant anymore. What would I have done if this pregnancy was real?
I collected the result and thanked doctor Sule.
When I got back inside, I found my wife sitting on the bed and moaning. She was holding her stomach.
“What is it again?”
“It is the baby.”
I wrapped my hands around my chest. I was seeing a miracle happening before my very eyes.
“Which baby?”
My wife exploded.
“Praises, why do you like asking me this kind of question na? Which other baby am I carrying in my stomach? Am I the one that impregnated myself?
“Okay, so what is it?”
“The baby wants to eat meat and burger. You can join it With small chocolate if possible. And ice cream too.”
“Meat, burger, Chocolate, and Ice cream?”
“Yes. It is just turning around like a football. The baby wants all of this o.”
I thank God for Doctor Sule for saving me from slavery. If I didn’t know better I would have started running around looking for chocolate for my pregnant wife.
I climbed my bed, drew the blanket, and covered myself.
I had never felt so much rest like I felt.
My wife was surprised.
She kept looking at me like a picture.
“Praises do you realize I am pregnant and carrying your first child? Do you know that this baby I am carrying needs every good food one can think of? You are supposed to be driving out to buy me this instead of sleeping on the bed.”
I turned and looked at her and went back to closing my eyes.
My wife became surprised.
This evening I heard her making a phone call with Kemi. She was speaking in whispers.
“…Kemi I am finished. It seems Praises has found out that the result I gave him was my covid-19 test and not the pregnancy result. Right now I am confused. I don’t know what to do. The funny part is that he is not even saying anything about it o.”
Presently my wife has suddenly become as calm as a mouse and has resumed her wifely duties.
So far this was a warning sign from God. Before she carries a real baby in her womb, we would have an agreement.
No dreams.
No visions.
But I am still scared because what a woman cannot do does not exist.
THE END.
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