The Exchange
Episode 17
I was really scared and thought something had happened to him. His
mum kept assuring me that everything was fine. She said she already
reported to the Police and there was a search party looking for him. She
kept telling me to remain calm because of the baby and that Baba T
would be fine.
He finally showed up, he looked really unkempt…he
gave some cock-and-bull story about where he was for 3 days. I noticed
that he came with another guy…his mum knew the guy and thanked him
profusely. I also noticed that his mum did not talk to him; she did not
even look at him…something seemed iffy but nobody was saying anything.
Baba T reached for the baby, his mum almost didn’t hand him over. She
later did but it was reluctantly…she kept while ‘eyeballing’ Baba T.
We left the hospital later that evening.
Some days after that, my
mother-in-law said we would be leaving for Nigeria and she had gotten
someone to change the tickets for us. We were supposed to stay in the
United Kingdom for a couple more weeks. I was still recuperating and was
not happy with the decision. She promised that the two of us would come
back, with the baby, to spend some time but we needed to leave. I
thought maybe Baba T would say something but he didn’t…he had been very
quiet since we got back from the hospital. We had not even had any real
talk or conversation…he would only come in the room, play with the baby,
hold my hands and smile at us.
When we got to Nigeria, my
father-in-law was at the airport…he was happy to see us and he quickly
took the baby. He looked at Baba T, shook his head and said “Ǫmọ ęni ò
bá j’ọni à bá yọ (How I wish upbringing was all it took to mold a
child’s character)”. I couldn’t wait to be with Baba T alone so he could
help shed more light on what was happening. My father-in-law made Baba T
ride with him while we got in another car as we drove to their house. I
had thought we would be going to our house but we ended up at my
parents-in-law’s house. Baba T’s dad literally dragged him upstairs and
was yelling at him…my mother-in-law must have sensed that I was very
confused
“Irú ìrìnkurìn wo nìyęn? (Who leaves his family like that?)
Let his dad deal with him. Who leaves a wife that just delivered and
goes away for 3 days? He is married now, he should show that he is a
responsible man” my mother-in-law said
“Don’t worry about him, we
will deal with him…just take care of my grandson for me. We will make
sure that it never happens again. Let’s just keep this within the
family. “Wèrè l’ará ìta máa pèé” (Outsiders will not understand, they
will blow it out of proportion)” she continued as she motioned me to
follow her into her room.
One of the maids had a look that
suggested she knew what was going on; she stood around and wouldn’t
leave. “Gbéborùn játijàti (worthless busybody) get out of here” my
mother-in-law yelled at her and sent her away.
We stayed at my
parents-in-law’s place for almost a month…we even had the christening
party there and it was huge. My folks came over for the party and my mum
asked if everything was okay…she said I looked confused. I told her all
was well and that I was just tired. Laide also asked why we returned to
the country sooner than we had planned…I really wanted to tell her what
happened in London but I remembered my mother-in-law’s instruction and I
didn’t want to be in her bad books, so I made up a story.
While we
were at my in-law’s house, Baba T and his dad would leave the house and
return together every single day. Baba T would only play with the baby
for a while then he would go into his dad’s room…if he was staying too
long, his dad would send for him. Everything seemed strange but my
mother-in-law kept telling me not to worry, that her husband was simply
teaching my husband how to be a responsible man.
We went back to our
house and somehow, everything went back to normal. Baba T was back to
his loving, caring self but never wanted to talk about the London
incident. He would say “It’s water under the bridge…I’m here now, that’s
what matters”. I chose to go with that phrase ‘what you don’t know
can’t hurt you’ so I let it go.
Baba T actually took care of my
family, my elder brothers got good jobs, after youth service, because of
him…the only person that got nothing was Brother Dipo and it was
because he didn’t want it. Even my mum got a monthly stipend…my business
was doing well and growing almost more than what my husband had
projected.
It wasn’t long before I got pregnant again…my
mother-in-law was the one that told me to go confirm it, because
according to her…I looked like I was. True to her words, I was like 8
weeks gone…she was super excited. I broke the news to Baba T and he was
happy too. In the fourth month of my second pregnancy, I woke up in the
middle of the night to drink water; Baba T was not on the bed. As I was
about to enter the kitchen, I noticed that the sitting room was slightly
lit and I could sense that there was someone there, I tip-toed and saw
my husband snorting some white substance from our center table. I wasn’t
very exposed at that time so I didn’t know what to make of it. However,
I could tell it wasn’t right because of the look on my husband’s
face…it was obvious he didn’t want anyone to see him. I gently backed
away from the kitchen but inadvertently knocked down a mug cup that was
on the dining table. The sound jolted Baba T to reality and he ran into
the kitchen, the white substance trace still on his left nostril…he
could tell I had seen him
“What are you doing here? Why are you sneaking around?” He yelled at me.
“Can’t a man have peace in his own house?” He continued
I didn’t know how to respond because I wasn’t expecting that
reaction…he continued to yell and scream; I had never seen him like that
since I met him. I thought he was going to hit me. It was the shrieking
cry of our son (Junior) that made him stop…but he was obviously very
mad and went to sleep in the guest room.
He left for work very early
as well and didn’t eat breakfast…I really couldn’t tell why he was so
angry. I checked the sitting room after he left, to see if I could find
any trace of what I caught him doing, but he had cleaned the place up. I
checked our room and ransacked his closet but found nothing. For the
first time since we got married, Baba T did not come home…I didn’t know
what to do. So at 11PM I called his parents and talked to his mum. I
told her what I saw and how my husband reacted
“Ó se kíni? (He did what?)” My mother-in-law asked
I repeated what I said, she was quiet for a while and I could hear her
calling her husband and talking. I could only pick some words in their
conversation. I heard my father-in-law say something like “I’m done,
Babatunde ò lè wá pamí (I’m not going to let Babatunde kill me)”
My mother-in-law got back on the phone and advised me to come over to
their place the following morning. She told me not to talk to anyone
about it…she said she would take care of everything and we would find
him. I didn’t sleep all night and I left for my parents-in-law’s house
as soon as our driver got in.
When I got there, I saw that maid
again; she was looking at me like she wanted to tell me something but
was being held back…she had always given me that look.
I could hear
Baba T’s parents talking but as soon as I entered, they kept quiet. His
dad said they had tracked him down and he was at a hotel…the man was
clearly angry, although not at me. He said he had to leave because he
had a very important meeting that he could not afford to miss. He turned
to Baba T’s mum and said
“Mo ti sè wọn tí mo lèse (I have done my best)”
“These ones are my more important to me now” he said, pointing at me (my tummy) and my son.
“He’s your son, these ones are my grandchildren and I will not allow
anything or anyone mess them up” my father-in-law added, as he turned to
his wife and got up to take his leave.
As soon as he left, my
mother-in-law started to beg me…she said I needed to be patient and that
Baba T had some issues that they were trying to fix. She said she
needed my cooperation to do this; because his father was at the verge of
abandoning him and had already threatened to cut him off.
“He is
very smart and he is a good kid but this is what bad company does to a
kid…even one that’s supposedly from a good home” she said
She begged
me not to share any of this with Laide or Bola, because Bola had a
positive influence on Baba T’s life and she didn’t want Bola to stop
being his friend.
I told her I was a little confused because I
didn’t really know what was happening or why my husband was angry. When
she saw my naivety, she took advantage of it and twisted
everything…funny enough, I believed her.
They resolved the issue
and Baba T came back home, he blamed the stress for his erratic
behavior; I even apologized for getting him angry. He started to see a
doctor to help him with the ‘stress’ (that’s what I was told)…and it
looked like the ‘doctor visits’ helped.
When it was time to have
the baby, we went to the United Kingdom again but this time, Baba T did
not come with us. It was just me, Junior and my mother-in-law. My
father-in-law put his foot down that Baba T would not come with us. I
even asked if my husband could come after I had given birth but he said
they would wait for us in Nigeria.
I had another baby boy, there
was a little complication and I would have loved my husband to be
present…I needed someone to comfort me and someone I could yell at. From
that day, I started to hate the weird control that Baba T’s parents had
over his life and affairs. I wanted my own family; I wanted my husband
to be the head of my home and not his dad. I decided I would talk to
Baba T about it, once we got back to Nigeria.
We got back to
Nigeria, we still stayed at my in-law’s for a while…we had the
christening there again and I couldn’t wait to get to our house so I
could bare my heart to my husband. I could have told him at his parents’
house but there was no privacy at all…his mum was always around, always
trying to know what was happening between us.
The day we were
moving back to our place…my mother-in-law called me and said “I’m sure
you believe we are meddling in your affairs; and we are too controlling,
but we are doing it for the right reasons. Kó lè dáa náà ni (We are
doing it for your good)”
She went on and on about how they know
their son and thus, can “handle” him better than anyone. She told me to
tell her what was on my mind since we were on the same team and wanted
the best for Baba T… so I said
“There must be something I’m not
seeing ma, Baba T told me he’s made some wrong choices in the past but
nobody is perfect and I don’t think he needs to be treated like a kid to
make him a man”
I regretted making that statement…as I could see how it changed my mother-in-law’s demeanor.
“Ǫmọdé ò moògùn ó ńpè l’ęfọ (a little kid cannot differentiate between
vegetables and herbs) I’ve heard you, I’ll let you handle your husband”
she responded. I could tell she was angry, I tried to explain what I
meant but she said it was okay and that she got my message loud and
clear
