Man Wey Dey Reason Episode 14 – Flow1759

Man Wey Dey Reason Episode 14 – Flow1759

I came out and saw Haruna giving Brainbox a hard chase.

Brainbox ran so fast that his legs weren’t even touching the ground.

Brainbox ran towards the road unknown to him that there was a bike coming to his direction.

“Brainbox!!!!” I shouted, thinking he would hear my voice and stopped running. He did stop, but that was after he stumbled on something on the floor, and fell.

The distance between where he was lying and where the bike halted wasn’t up to 2metres, “u wan die abi? If u die na hell fire straight oh” the bike man shouted.

Brainbox wasn’t even moving, or like the Bike man said, had he landed in Hell fire already?

Since the Holy Bible says: “it is appointed onto man, once to die, and after this, the judgement”.

Why was Brainbox’s judgement so fast? Or was his sins so numerous that the Devil just had a walkover? All these were questions i asked myself as i walked towards where his body was lying.

“Haruna, see wetin u cause, my friend no gree wake again, u don kill am oh” i said, sending shivers down Haruna’s Spine. “i no kill am oh, him thief my wife groundnut nahim make me dey pursue am” Haruna cried out. “but u see groundnut for him hand?” I queried. At that moment, Haruna was practically crying revealing his rotten teeth.

“wetin we go do na to rush am go hospital” i said. At that moment, Snoop came to meet the u’gly scene. “make we rush am go hospital, before him go die” Snoop said.

Like the cliche goes: “like minds, reason alike”. It was glaring to me that Brainbox was okay. He was just faking unconsciousness. because i could see him wearing a light smile.

“ehnnn Haruna we wan rush am go hospital but, we no get money wey we go take pay doctor oh” i said. “like how much una go take pay Doctor?” Haruna asked panicing. “like 15000naira, but just bring 10000naira make we beg the doctor weda him go collect am” i replied with my “419” talent. Snoop wanted to say something, i winked at him and he kept mute. “10000naira to much na” Haruna cried out. “ok, no worry i go go report u for police say u don kill person” I threatened. “no oh, e never reach police case na” Haruna replied walking slowly to go fetch the money. “do quick oh, u know say e remain small wey him go die” i said and Haruna increased his pace.

“Snoop, go tell Man and Bigie make dem never come out oh, say after 20minutes, make dem come meet us for where dem dey watch ball” I told Snoop. “where dem dey?” Snoop asked. “dem dey dat bush wey dey back of Nkiru shop, dem dey hide there” i replied. Though Snoop never understood what was going on, he still obeyed me.

After about ten minutes, Haruna came back with the 10k and gave it to me. “where the motor wey u go take carry am go hospital?” Haruna asked. “no worry i go carry am for my shoulder” i replied.

Though Brainbox was a bit heavy, but the tot of the 10k Haruna gave me energized me to carry him on my shoulder without feeling the pains.

As i walked far from the sight of Haruna, i heard, GOAL!!!! “MAN U don score” i tot.

But the most important goal at that moment was the goal i scored Haruna the Illiterate.

“how we go take share the 10k?” Brainbox asked me after he resurrected from my shoulder. “how u want make we share am?” i inquired, “ok, ehnnn we go tell them say na 8k Haruna give u, and na 3k be my share, 2k be ur share, all of them go share the remaining 3k” Brainbox informed. “what of the 2k wey go remain, wetin we go do with am?” I asked Brainbox.

I tot he would say the 2k was tithe. Tithe that would end up in his pocket. Or was tithe paid for 419 money? Brainbox was fund of cheating when it comes to sharing money.

He never mentioned that it was for tithe, rather he said, “the remaining 2k, i go take 1k, u go take 1k, because na we work pass”. “BRAINBOX!!!!” I hailed, “u get correct brain”

“the money wey Haruna give me get plenty change, make i go one corner go count the 2k comot, stay here, if other guys dey come, them go meet u here, u go tell dem say make dem wait i go piss” i suggested. “no wahala, enter that bush for there” Brainbox said pointing at a bush path.

What he never knew was that i had something up my sleeve.

Like they say: “show me your friends, and i will tell you who you are”. The Brainy Brainbox was my friend. Lemme leave you to be the judge of who i was. Brainbox had for a while tutored me on the act of artifice.

It was about 7:30pm so the bushy place i stood was a bit dark, and i wasn’t even scared that an animal like Snake might eat me up for dinner. What i was interested in was cheating.

Big time cheating.

The money Haruna gave me was hanging at the right hand side of my boxers waist band and the money Chief gave us was hanging at the left hand side of my boxers waist band.

My hands went straight to remove the money at the left hand side. I counted it with the help of my phone torch light, to my surprise it was 30k. “una never know anything sef, i go cheat una today” i tot.

I quickly counted 10k out of the 30k, dug a hole on the ground, and buried it. I had concluded that i would tell my guys that the money Chief gave us was 20k.

I quickly kept the 20k back to the left side of my boxers waist band, and i removed the money Haruna gave me.

It took me so long a time to finish counting the money because it was full of lower currency denominations. After i finished counting, i discovered the money wasn’t complete. It wasn’t 10,000naira but, 9,855naira. “Haruna nawa for you oh, see as you pack 5naira and 10naira full dis money, e no even complete sef” i tot.

I seperated the 2k Brainbox told me to seperate and kept it hanging at the centre of my boxers waist band.

My boxers waist band was beginning to slack because it held three bunch of money. At the right side was 7,855naira, at the left was 20,000naira, and at the centre touching my d’ick was 2,000naira.

I promised myself that none of these money would fall off, a promise i was sure gonna keep.

The same way i promised myself i would return to collect the money i planted on the ground, that is if the money wouldn’t have germinated, grow tall, and produced “fruits” for harvest.

“Flow u never piss finish? come make we dey go watch match na” i heard Bigie’s voice.

As i walked to go join my guys, i suddenly noticed i had automatically changed walking step. I was walking like a suicide bomber who had a bomb planted in his waist.

My prayer was that none of the three bomb should detonate soon.

Full time scores: Man u 2 – Fulham 1.

“ehen make we enter Riverside na” Brainbox said as we walked home after the match. “no wahala, na there we dey go now” Man said.

As we walked, we were munching groundnut with large chunks of bread. It was as if the bread and groundnut were multiplying as we ate.

In Ibo Language, Ozommiri means Riverside. So Riveside hotel was coined out from Ozommiri River that was behind our house.

The hotel wasn’t that gigantic but it had a gigantic bush bar.

“na the money wey Chief give us be dis, Brainbox count am” i said as i kept the 20k on our drinking table. Brainbox counted it to confirm it was 20k. “dis one na the one wey Haruna give me, Brainbox count am” i said dropping the other money. Brainbox counted and cofirmed it to be 7,855naira.

“Make we use dis Haruna money pay for everything wey we go drink, but the Chief money, we go share am” Snoop suggested. We all aggreed to Snoop’s Suggestion.

Equity was what Snoop’s suggestion was all about, and Equity was what Brainbox kicked against when he suggested i removed 2k from Haruna’s Money. 2k that was beginning to hurt my most precious d’ick.

I drank “only” three bottles of Udeme alongside one plate of Nkwobi. “Make we dey go house na, s’hit dey catch me, e be like say my belle dey turn” Brainbox suddenly said. “how ur belle no go turn, when u chop 2 rounds of concoction soup” i tot.

I was thinking since i only ate 1round of the concoction soup, i was safe from running stomach. Only time would tell.

We were discussing the match as we walked home. As we got close to the place i planted the 10k, i said, “make una wait for me, make i piss”. While others were urinating at the hotel toilet, i held back my urine because i had plans of urinating in my “farm”. The farm i planted not maize seed but “10k seed”. My bladder had held so much urine, it was about exploding.

“Flow do quick oh, s’hit dey worry me oh” i heard Brainbox said. I was still urinating the one bucket full of urine when i heard Bigie said, “Brainbox, enter bush go s’hit na, abi u dey fear the bush?”. As i heard Brainbox coming towards my direction, i quickly tried to dig out my 10k. But i wasn’t fast enough.

“wetin u dey dig for ground?” Brainbox asked. “ehn ehn ehn i wan s’hit inside the hole wey i dey dig” i stammered. Brainbox also dug a hole close to mine, not minding that we would be percieving the “fragnance” of each other’s poo.

We were so close that Brainbox would notice if i removed the 10k from the hole. I could see the 10k, but i dared not take it, because Brainbox’s phone torch light gave our “s’hiting” spot a glow.

“Flow s’hit na, abi s’hit no dey catch you?” Brainbox said, “s’hit dey catch me na, my s’hit dey come small small” i replied. My stomach that was initially not running, instantly begane to run.

“proooa proaaaoh proooo poooroh” i had poo on my 10k. Maybe it was a manure that would make my “10k seed” grow well, just maybe.

After 5minutes of inhaling the “fragnance” of both Brainbox’s poo and my poo, it was time to go. What was on my mind was how i would remove my 10k from the “manure”. “Flow u no go cover ur s’hit? I don dey go oh” Brainbox said walking out of the bush. “i dey come make i cover am” i responded.

I knew it was irritating, but what was i to do? I had no choice (if na u wetin u for do?)

I dipped my hands into the poo, removed my 10k, rubbed the poo off the money with leaves, and placed the money at the left hand side of my boxer’s waist band. And also used leaves to rub off the poo on my hands.

Next day we were off to work.

Before i left for work, Baba jay had told me he would be going to the bank later in the day, so i gave him some money to pay into my bank account. because the fear of the Notorious BIG was the beginning of wisdom. The money comprised of the “s’hit” money and my 4k share of the money Chief gave us.

My bank account that had been pennyless for a while now, could now smile.

“Man, how today work go be na?” i asked as we walked to the site after taking breakfast at Mama Calabar canteen.

“when we reach site, u go know how the work go be” Man answered.

We got to the site and met Madam Ifeoma.

“how are you today?” She said, “good morning ma, we are fine ma” Man and Brainbox replied, but i almost said, “good morning ma, you are fine ma”. because madam Ifeoma was looking so “sweat sixteen”, with her Jeans mini skirt revealing her “yellow” fresh l’aps.

“ehnnn guys the cement left will not be enough for today’s work” Madam Ifeoma informed us, “so what do we do ma?” Man asked. “i will like two of you to come with me to where we will buy more cement, so you will help me load it into the truck, and when the truck brings it here, u will also offload it” She said, “not for free oh, 20naira for loading, 20naira for offloading” She added.

“ehnnn Flow na me and u go go do dis Sugar baby” Man our boss said, and whatever he said was final. Brainbox wasn’t happy at Man’s decision. I could read what he was saying in his mind: “so u like Flow pass me abi?”. He never knew it was better he stayed behind, than coming to have a taste of Sugar baby. The dreaded Sugar baby.

Sugar baby was the code name for loading and offloading cement.

As Madam Ifeoma drove us on her Honda car, i couldn’t take my eyes off her fresh l’aps because i was seating in front. I wondered why Man refused seating it front.

My volcano erupted instantly, forming a mountain that was noticeable.

As she stretched out her right hand to change gear, i tot she was reaching for my d’ick. My erected d’ick sure looked like a car gear lever.

We arrived the cement depot in no time. It was time for the much awaited Sugar baby. I tot as the name “Sugar baby” literally meant sweatness, so would the work be sweat. Yes! It was sweat. Bitterly sweat.

While Madam ifeoma was bargaining the price with the cement sellers, we went to change to our kponkpon attire. Also, we were putting on sunglasses to prevent the cement particles from entering our eyes.

Sugar baby started.

My intention was to carry more Sugar baby than Man wey dey “always” reason. He reasons better when it was time for work. We were to carry 200bags of cement. 20naira to load a bag into the truck, and 20naira to offload a bag at the site. Which is, 40naira for the loading and offloading of each bag of cement.

After One hour of hectic Sugar baby, we finished with the first half scores as: SugarBaby Flow 82bags — SugarBaby Man 118bags.

As we entered the back of the truck and it moved slowly behind Madam Ifeoma’s car, i consoled myself that i still had “second half” to equalize and that i still had reserved strength to offload the cement, i never knew a part of my body would hinder me greatly.

“aaaaaaaaaaaah!!! My neck” i cried out. “wetin do ur neck?” Man queried. “aaaaaaaah my neck don break” i said. “how your neck no go break? U think say Sugar baby easy?” Man said, “Flow, make i ask u oh, when u lick sugar, how e dey taste?” Man asked, “e dey sweat na” i responded with my hand on my neck. “when u lick plenty sugar, wetin go happen to you?” Man asked again, “u go get jedi jedi na” i responded. “ehen na the Jedi jedi u dey get so, na the Jedi jedi of Sugar baby be say person neck go break” Man narrated laughing at me.

I just needed a Divine healing for the neck pain, or rather Jedi jedi. because i needed to offload more bags than Man wey dey reason.

I managed to slowly finish the second half. At the end SugarBaby Flow scored 82bags for loading and 70bags for offloading, while SugarBaby Man scored 118bags for loading and 130bags for offloading.

We waited for 30minutes before we resumed to “chop” Biscuit.

“unu welldone oh!” Old Solja said as he came to where we were working. “old solja!! Old solja!!” we chorused.

I was mixing the sand and cement and at the same time catching a glimpse of Madam Ifeoma’s a*ss from time to time. The sight of her television shaped a*ss gave me more energy to work.

As she turned to instruct Igbakwambo on where he would keep the moulded blocks, i caught an anterior view of her a’ss, and my mouth was ajar.

Someone came to obstruct my view. It was Old solja. He was discussing something with Madam Ifeoma. As i continued to glance within an interval of 1minute to see if Old solja had finished discussing with her so i would continue from where i stopped, i saw something that surprised me.

Old solja’s shabby trouser was torn widely revealing his mighty s’crotum. It was as if he had two big ripe mangoes hanging as s’crotum. “see dis old man no dey wear p’ant” i mistakenly muttered. It was as if he heard me.

“Wetin u talk Flowa?” Old solja suddenly turned and questioned.

I instantly went d’umb.

“ehn ehnnnn ehnnn i talk say ehnnnnn” i was pretending to be stammering while trying to figure out a lie to tell, “i talk say ehnn ehnnn i talk say see this Old man no dey fear Ant” i finally figured out the best lie.

The best lie indeed, because few words in the first statement sounded similar to some other words in the second statement. Wear and Fear, P’ant and Ant.

But, was there an Ant on the floor? Was a question for another day.