Man Wey Dey Reason – Ugochukwu Peter Eke (Flow1759)
“Aro rugged you, how far?” i said “anchoring” KC with a frown on my face, “dis one wey ur face dey like dis, Prof Nwosu don nak u home and away?” Kc asked. “how u take know? guy him nak me home and away oh, what of u?” i asked, “guy my own na only away him nak me oh” Kc answered. “so we go stay for this town for another one year be dat?” I said. “naso oh, our mate go serve finish, we go still dey sch.” Kc added.
Home and away was a slang we used in our department to refer to double failure. First of all, “Home” means if a lecturer is handling two courses(1st and 2nd semester) and you fail the first semester course, that means; “the Lecturer don nak u home”.
If you fail the second semester course, that means; “the Lecturer don nak u away”. But if u fail both courses, that means; “the Lecturer don nak u home and away”. In my case, the lecturer “nak” me home and away, Phy411 and Phy412.
“u get where u go dey stay?” i asked Kc. “i no get oh, i go dey come from Port-harcout, i go dey come once in a week” He responded. “me i dey stay with my cousin for Nekede, i go dey come anytime wey dem get lecture oh, u no say that Prof wicked, and him dey serious with attendance” I said. “him suppose consider us wey be spill over students na” Kc said. “u no know that man, set before our set wey get spill over dey come lecture, na God go save us oh” I said as we walked out of the sch compound.
“guy find me even if na 100 bucks make i take enter bus go Nekede na” I said. “take, manage am, na 50 bucks i get” Kc said offering me a worn out 50naira note. “u don try, u be correct man, half loaf of Agege bread is better than chin-chin” i said as i collected the money.
If there was one thing i seriously lacked lately, that thing was Money. Even 50naira was a huge amout of money to me.
I “anchored” Kc and walked slowly to where i would board a bus. What i never knew was that a bad news was waiting to be told at home.
“guy how far, chaw dey house? because the worm wey dey my belle don chop my intestine finish oh” i said to Brain Box as i got home. “guy chaw no dey house oh, we dey wait make u come sef before we go arrange chaw” Brain Box responded.(chaw was a slang for food) “because na me be una Mama na?” i said. “guy no be so oh, Tochiba no get money and me sef no get money” Brain Box responded.
Just then, Tochiba walked in and said, “our landlord come today oh. Him say make we pack comot for dis house oh, him say him give us from now to next week Tuesday to pack comot oh”.
My bad!! i forgot to introduce my friends!! Brain box was a boy from Mbaise. His brain was his most priceless asset. In Nigeria, the most cunny set of human beings are from Mbaise in Imo state. An ibo Musician once sang that, “if u are in a room where an Mbaise man and a snake is, first kill the Mbaise man before u kill the snake, because the Mbaise man is more dangerous than the snake”.
Dangerous was the perfect word to describe Brain Box, sometimes he even scares me. His cunny nature fetched him the name Brain Box. He can even decieve the wisest of men. If i said he was an award winning dangerous con artist, i wasn’t far from the truth. Brain box also had spill over, but not in my sch.
While Tochiba was my cousin, he was trained in Alluminium roofing and window assembling. His real name was Tochi, but he preffered to be called Tochiba.
They were both the roomates i had. I loved them so much. But what i never knew was that we would soon be divided.
“how we go do am now?” i said as we sat in the room the following day. “i don call PKC, him say make una come stay with am for him house” Tochiba said. “which one be make una come stay with am for him place? U no go follow us go?” Brain box asked Tochiba. “i dey go village go stay oh, because i hear say some people dey build new house for village, so alluminiun contract go dey for me” Tochiba explained. I saw sense in his decision.
PKC was a nice young pastor in our church. His real name was Kelechi, KC for short. So PKC was a short form for Pastor Kelechi. The guy was an easy going guy. He was the kind of person that could take a bullet for his friends, but he loved food so much. The had a “ruminant” stomach. He could eat a bucket full of Eba and still ask for more.
“but guy u no try oh, u for tell us since say ur house rent don dey expire so we for try hustle out money” I said to Tochiba. “i no wan disturb una na, abi na una follow me pay the last one wey i pay? Una dey pursue una sch tins na, una need money for una sch tins na” he responded.
Four day later, Tochiba had already packed his properties to the village that morning.
As i and Brainbox walked from Umunkoto; where we were staying, to Ozommiri; where Pkc was staying with our bags, i was happy i wasn’t going there alone, i was happy i was going with my friend Brain box, not know i would meet alot of very funny friends in Ozommiri.
Man Wey Dey Reason Man Wey Dey Reason Man Wey Dey Reason Man Wey Dey Reason Man Wey Dey Reason Man Wey Dey Reason Man Wey Dey Reason Man Wey Dey Reason Man Wey Dey Reason Man Wey Dey Reason Man Wey Dey Reason Man Wey Dey Reason Man Wey Dey Reason Man Wey Dey Reason Man Wey Dey Reason Man Wey Dey Reason
We got to Pkc’s house on time to meet a full house.
I quickly took a glimpse at the room or rather the hall to notice it was as big as two convention rooms put together. It had two wardrobes and a wallpaper of Jesus was hung on the wall, on the wallpaper was written; “THE LORD IS MY SHEPHARD, I SHALL NOT WANT” boldly.
Though the room was beautiful, the number of guys in the room added to its beauty.
I and Brainbox sat on the floor because there was no space to seat on the bed. “man the food never done?” one of the guys said with a loud voice, “e don dey done” a voice responded from the kitchen. “make e done quick oh, i dey hungry die” i almost said.
It was time for introduction.
“na me dem dey call Baba Jay, i graduate from FUTO, na me be the only guy wey collect award for guiness book of record as the world best mess, my mess fit break concrete” Baba Jay gave a short but precise description of himself. “Baba jay!! Baba jay!! Baba jay!!” the other guys cheered. I and Brainbox laughed at such a funny introduction.
“na me be Tega, the finest boy, fine boy no pimples, i graduate from Nekede Poly, but i never serve” Tega gave a short but sharp introduction of himself. He was indeed fine (dat kin Chris brown type of fine na).
“na me dem dey Call Snoop, i graduate from IMSU, I still dey wait to go serve” Another guy that really looked like Snoop Dogg said. Infact, if he had said Snoop Dogg was his twin brother, i would have believed.
“i am Pkc, the pastor of this house, i graduated from IMSU too, but am currently doing God’s work” Pkc said what i already knew. One thing about Pkc was that even if he was in a gathering where people spoke pigin English, he always stuck to speaking English, and he had his way with English words if i must confess. “Pkc, a.k.a every mountain of Eba must be brought down” Baba Jay added.
I and Brainbox laughed uncontrollably because we knew what that meant; Baba jay was trying to tell us what we already knew. Pkc just smiled in response.
“i be Brainbox, the wisest man, i even wise pass Herbert Einstien sef, na why people dey call me Brainbox” Brainbox said and i cheered him.
“na me be Flow, i dey Flow like butterfly and sting like bee” I said. “i get spill over for IMSU” I added.
One thing we all had in common was that we were all Spill over students that were nursing our wounds far from our sch premises. But i wondered why God used Pkc to bring us together. Maybe God had a plan for us, so i tot.
Now it was food time, and there was one person that haven’t yet introduced himself; the person that was cooking in the Kitchen.
Ugochukwu Peter Eke (Flow1759)
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