Man Wey Dey Reason Episode 59 – Flow1759
Few days later.
“na you be Bigie! I say na you be Bigie!!” A buccaneer member yelled at me grabbing my shirt.
“Bros no be me be Bigie oh, i no fat na” I answered in jitters.
“una dey hide Bigie abi? When we flog all of una with Koboko finish, una go tell us where him dey” the one with the horse whip said. He was as thin as the whip he held.
I thought he just wanted to scare us, that he couldn’t possibly lash us with a Koboko.
He started with Brainbox, “Yeeeeeh! Yeeeaah!! Yeaeeh!! My nyash oh!! My back oh!! If i see Bigie i go kill am” he cried.
I thought of running out of the room, but thought otherwise because there were about Five MTNs in the room, one of them was even with a gun.
As i lay facing the floor, i was imagining how the Koboko would tear my back to pieces.
“e no go better for Bigie Papa” I heard Brainbox cursed.
One of the Buccaneer members that wore a yellow beret landed the flat side of the machete he held on my back, and i caught seizure for 30seconds.
“who you be ?” He landed the machete on my back for the second time. I caught Amnesia and partial Stroke instanta. I also became a stammerer.
“i beeeeeeeeeee Flow?” I cried out.
“you be Flow ehnnnn!! So which frat you dey flow?” He asked. “eennnnnnn?” I pretended i couldn’t comprehend what he asked.
“i say which cult you dey?” He landed the machete on my back for the third time. That made my brain turned upside down.
A voice in my head kept telling me to say the cult i belonged to. Fear made me mistakenly said “Burger” instead of “Bagger”
“wetin be Burger? Abi you be Bagger?” He queried.
“no oh! I say my name na Flow, my Papa name na Burger” I tried covering up.
“shut up!! So you be Bagger?” He yelled at me. At that moment, i saw myself shrinking like Vegetable.
In my school then, Buccaneers so much hated Baggers. They were like Cat and Dog. Worldwide, they both hated each other. Or so i tot.
“i no be Bagger, na Burger i talk no be Bagger, you ask me my name, i tell you, so my Papa name nahim be Burger” I cried.
He landed me a dirty slap, and said, “Alora make una come see one Aromate oh”.
The slap made my brain went cold that i thought what he said was “roommate” and not “Aromate”.
“i no be Bigie roommate oh!! Na Tupac be him roommate oh!!” I cried out.
“shut up!!” Another Buccaneer member on yellow short sleeve shirt landed me a slap that made my formerly cold brain warm.
“so you are a cultist?” the one on yellow short sleeve queried, punching me hard on the nose.
My warm brain became pipping hot and interpreted “so you are a cultist?” as “so you are a Scottish?”.
“am not a Scottish oh, am a Nigerian” I spoke gibberish.
“go and kneel down there, your case is special” the one on yellow short sleeve commanded. I wondered why he spoke English while his “colleagues” spoke Pidgin.
Legend has it that Buccaneer is a cult for the rich, and that the Leader of Buccaneer in every University must be a son of a notable figure in power.
Maybe he was their leader that was why he spoke English, or maybe not.
I knelt down like a Pupil serving punishment.
I counted the lashes that landed on Baba jay’s back to be 17. And i saw him crying like a baby.
That day was the day i knew Baba jay had genes of a Bull Dog. Not only did he look like a Bull Dog, he barked like a Bull Dog as the recieved the lashes of Koboko.
Next was Snoop. He spoke Chinese as he was lashed 18. I counted it accurately.
That day was the first day i saw Snoop’s tears.
Since Baba jay was lashed 17 and Snoop was lashed 18, i was sure Man would be lashed 19, or maybe one might me added for the road to make it 20.
“One! Two! Three!!………….” I counted in my mind as they resumed lashing Man.
“your Talley no go save you for this one na” I almost said.
“Four! Five!! Six!!” and as the seventh lash landed on his back, the person lashing him suddenly frooze.
He frooze looking like the statue of Liberty as he raised his hand wanting to give Man the 8th lash
I couldn’t believe my eyes.
Man stood up and started laughing a “demonic” laugh, and i saw fire in his eyes. I was f’.ucking scared, so was the Aloras. They stampeded like they were Rugby players as they struggled for the door that was wide open.
For 2minutes, the Alora that was lashing Man with the Koboko stood like the statue of Liberty, until Man freed him by tapping him on the the shoulder.
As he was freed, he dashed into the toilet thinking the toilet door was the door that would lead him out of the room.
We all watched as he ran out of the toilet, and ran out just the way his brothers did.
Two months later.
Big boys cutz became very lucrative, fetching us more money. From the weekly pay i collected as my share, i was able to pay all my debts in school. And i was able to drink atleast a bottle of Udeme every evening.
Not only that, smiling in my bank account was 150k that i had saved from the profit i made from Tupaco and Kpatalico conglomerate.
As for Tupacokpatalico, what was suppose to be a take home pay most times is exhausted before i get home. Sometimes i wondered whether Madam Ifeoma always “jazzed” our pay, that we couldn’t give account of a sensible thing we used the money for.
Whether she jazzed it or not, was none of my business, atleast i was able to buy myself good clothes and shoes with the money, and perfumes too. Aboki perfumes.
Man introduced me to an “Aboki” friend of his that sold pungent smelling perfumes to us. Some smelled like Insecticide, some smelled like Fuel, while others smelled like Kerosene. That wasn’t the main Issue, the main issue was the names of these perfumes. Funny names like; Story P, Pandoko, Jodo Jodo, Kula Kula, Bens, Flato, ecetera.
Of all the “designer” Aboki perfumes, i became a die hard fan of “Flato”, for nothing special but because the letter “F” was the first letter. Flato smelled different from most of the Aboki perfumes in more ways than one.
While most Aboki perfumes smelled like Fuel, Flato smelled like Pesticide.
While most Aboki perfumes felt cool when sprayed on one’s skin, Flato burnt like hell once it touches the skin.
And like Onion, Flato always brought out tears from my eyes.
“Flow why you dey cry na?” Brainbox asked.
“so because water dey comot for my eye nahim mean say i dey cry?” I queried.
I was really in tears, all thanks to Flato. I wasn’t only in tears, i was in pains also.
“Flow why you do face like s’hit na?” Man asked.
My face looked like poo is an understatement, i was a monkey look-alike.
“how man pekin go use him money go buy wetin go dey make am cry, how man pekin go use him money go buy wetin go dey pain am for body? Nawa oh!” I cried within me. I dared not complained to Man’s hearing, because i had earlier told him i so much loved how Flato smelled, that i had never seen a perfume that smelled so nicely since i was born. A Big lie it was.
“Flow na Kuli Kuli you wan go buy wey you dey spray perfume, nawa for you oh, do quick na, hungry dey wayah me” Snoop said.
“wetin concern you, na you buy the perfume for me?” I replied.
Of a truth, since i became a fan of Flato Aboki perfume, i sprayed it morning, afternoon, and night, sometimes i even sprayed it in my dream. Not only me, Man too.
But his own smelled like “Nchanwu”.
Nchanwu in Ibo is the same as “Efinrin” in Yoruba and it is called “Scent leaf” in English the Lingua Sandra, i mean Lingua Francesca, Lingua Franca rather.
I bought the Kuli Kuli from the same Aboki that sold us perfumes.
“Flow where you buy this Kuli Kuli?” Snoop asked, as we started “smoking” the Garri.
Not the kind of “smoking” you know. Smoking Garri means drinking Garri.
Garri, a.k.a G4, a.k.a Cassava flakes, a.k.a Golden morn, a.k.a G-unit.
“na for Alhaji Bala place, na Man say make we dey buy Kuli Kuli there” I answered.
“why the Kuli Kuli dey taste like wetin dem piss on top na” Brainbox noticed.
I tasted it to comfirm what Brainbox was complaining of. The Kuli Kuli did not only taste like pee, it smelled like Man’s Nchanwu perfume.
“the Kuli Kuli sweet jor” Man said.
“how e no go sweet? Na because na ur friend sell am for us na” I queried.
“abeg i no dey drink again jor” Brainbox left the “drinking” floor. So did Snoop.
So also did Flow, and Man was left alone munching the pee/Nchanwu Kuli Kuli and the G-unit.
“make i go open shop na, rain don stop” Snoop said.
“i dey miss Baba jay oh” He added.
Since Baba jay travelled to his village in Ohafia in Abia state, Snoop hardly opened Big boys cutz for business, he always used either that it was too sunny or it was raining as an excuse.
“guys Baba jay call me, him say him see Bigie for Ohafia” Tupac said as he entered Big boys cutz.
“Bigie dey mad oh, so na for Ohafia him go hide” Brainbox wondered.
“guy make all of us enter Ohafia go catch am na” I gave a nonesense suggestion.
If you reason what i suggested with the front side of your brain, it would be nonesense.
But if you reason it with the back of your brain, you would see the sense in the suggestion. That na if you smoke Igboh oh.