Man Wey Dey Reason Episode 57 – Flow1759
“wey my wallet?” I yelled early the next morning.
“who take my wallet?” I thundered.
I glanced at the wallpaper of Cristopher Wallace a.k.a Bigie smalls on the wall, that was when it dawned on me that i slept in the room of the Notorious BIG.
“thunder fire Bigie!!” I cursed.
“wetin happen? Wetin Bigie do?” Brainbox inquired.
“the b’astard don thief my wallet” I thundered.
As i saw Tupac came out of the bathroom, i furiously asked, “where Bigie?”.
“wetin happen? Wetin him do?” Tupac asked.
“him thief my wallet as i dey sleep for night” I cried.
“nawa for Bigie oh, him guys come sleep for him room and wallet dey miss, which day him go stop to dey thief? Abi person wey do am this thing don die?” Tupac wondered.
Bigie never gave a damn whether you were his Father or his Pastor, he would still pick your pocket, but my question was; why was it that his roommate Tupac had never ever complained of him picking his pocket? Or were the both of them patners in the crime?
I was sure Tupac wasn’t a pilferer like Bigie because he had always advised Bigie against stealing. The same way Bigie had always advised him against womanizing.
Pilfering was sure a more deadly disease when compared to Womanizing. Or so i tot.
“maybe him don go gamble, as we still dey sleep, i hear when him dey comot sef” Tupac informed.
“which kin gamble wey him go go gamble for early morning?” said Brainbox.
“that kin gamble, them dey call am Morning Mass” Tupac put a smile on his face, and on his head also. His glowing head.
“na for Morning Mass nahim person fit chop plenty money, and na for Morning Mass them fit chop all person money finish, guys dey even use Talley gamble for morning mass” Tupac said.
“so na my money him go use do Morning Mass abi?” I queried.
“Flow no worry, Bigie dey get luck for Morning Mass, him go chop plenty money come back, you go see” Tupac assured.
“how him go chop plenty money wey him no get Talley?” Brainbox queried.
If Man were to be a gambler, with his Talley he would for sure had been a Billionaire.
“i wonder how person wey no get Talley go chop people wey get Talley oh!” I supported Brainbox.
“make una no worry, i trust Bigie” Tupac gave us an assurance.
“my own be say make him bring my money come back, the money na 4k oh, and make him bring my wallet come back, that wallet dey important to me because them my ID card and ATM card dey there” I angrily said and left, Brainbox joined me.
On our way out, i noticed that something had left my neck, i touched my neck, and to my greatest surprise, my Gold necklace was gone, the same Gold necklace i collected from Bigie.
“i go killed Bigie if him come back” I said.
“Flow which one be say you go KILLED Bigie if him come back? Na wetin your English teacher teach you for school?” Brainbox caught my grammatical blunder.
“na your Mama be my English teacher na, you don forget” I replied.
“how them the pastor take see the mojo magazine wey you put for your bag na?” I asked Tega as we sat in Big boys cutz in the afternoon of the same day.
“Guy as i wan collect my boxers for my bag, naso the mojo magazine just fall comot for my bag, as i wan pick am naso one of the pastor just first me pick am oh” Tega narrated.
“guy no be small preaching the pastor preach for Tega and Opopo oh” said Snoop.
They both really needed not only preaching but Deliverance from the spirit of g’ayism.
Mojo is not an Idoma name, it is said to refer to a p’orn magazine.
“guys make una see Sadin and Bread chop oh” Brainbox offered.
“where you see this kin plenty Sadin and Bread?” Baba jay asked.
“i thief am” Brainbox replied.
I ate the Bread and Sadin hastily because i was sharing a loaf with the ravenous Baba jay. Infact, i practically swallowed it without chewing.
I thought Brainbox was just kidding when he said he stole the Bread and Sadin, i never knew he actually stole it until i heard; “walahi! I go cut person head, who thief my wife Bread and Sadin”.
“my wife say one of una thief Bread and Sadin for her shop, which of una thief am?” Haruna thundered with a cutlass in his hand. A very sharp cutlass.
“na Flow thief am” Brainbox pointed at me.
Before i could say; “no be me thief am oh”, Haruna raised his hand up wanting to bisect my head.
“what greater love than this, for Flow to die for his friend Brainbox” A voice in my head said.
I was two seconds to hitting my Tombstone.
Two seconds to six feet down.
Two seconds to kissing the skies.
“oga Haruna!! No be Flow thief am oh!!” I heard the voices of Man and Snoop.
“na who thief am?” Haruna thundered.
“na Brainbox!!” I was able to raise my bowing head to see Man, Snoop and Baba jay pointing at Brainbox.
Man hastily spoke Hausa to Haruna, and Haruna said; “God save you today, today nahim you for die”, and he left.
I was saved by the Bell.
What followed after Haruna left was a straight punch from Flow to Brainbox.
“U want make i die? Why you point me say na me thief?” I thundered.
An upper-cut was next, “i don warn you about this thing plenty times” I yelled at the top of my voice.
I saw Tega sneaked out.
He replied me with a heavy punch that sent my head spinning like a Big wheel. As i was about replying him with a 50kg punch, Man held me.
“leave me make i show this boy pepper” I tasted blood in my mouth, it seemed i had lost a tooth or two.
“make una no dey fight, una be friends oh” Baba jay who held Brainbox said. I saw blood dripped out of Brainbox’s mouth, and it reminded me of a Baggers slogan; “we are Baggers, our colour is Red, we are never satisfied until we see Blood”.
I saw Blood, so i was satisfied.
Later in the evening.
I sat under the Mango tree looking at a hand Mirror to see how many teeth i had lost, it surprised me to see that no tooth was lost.
I sat alone for an hour or so, then i saw Bigie walked into the compound with two laptops.
“go blow am” The Bad part of my mind suggested.
“no go blow am oh, Bigie go beat you if una fight oh” The Good part of my mind warned.
“how this Fat fool go beat me” I told them both.
“him no fit beat you, so go give am blow make una fight” The Bad part said.
“you sure? What of if him sidon for my head with him big nyash?” I told the Bad part. At that moment, i saw the Bad part as the Good part, and vice versa.
I had watched in Sumo wrestling when one of the fighters mistakenly sat on the head of his opponent, and his opponent pop the clogs instanta. Since that day, i vowed never to fall to the ground when fighting with an Orobo, even if i stood on a ground tiled with Ogbono soup.
Orobo means someone that is Plus-size.
“go fight am jor! Abi you dey fear am?” The Bad part or rather the Good part said.
“how i go fear Bigie? I dey mad” I stood up with fury and raced towards him.
“Flow your money dey, dem no chop me” Bigie said as he saw me racing towards him. I could tell he was scared as he took several steps backward.
“i wan give you one laptop sef” He said.
“you say wetin?” I screeched like a Police Vehicle.
“i say i wan give you one laptop” He repeated.
“you mean am?” I needed to know.
“i mean am na, take” He offered me a Dell laptop.
“ehen! Na now you talk, you be correct man jor” I tapped him at the back.
“but next time, make you tell me when you wan take my wallet oh” I said nonesense. As if it was wise for him to tell me he wanted to take my wallet before taking it.
“where the wallet na?” I asked. “see am, but no money dey inside am oh” He offered.
Since he had given me a laptop worth 100k, i wouldn’t mind recieving an empty wallet.
I collected the wallet and searched if my ATM card and ID cards were still there, of course they were.
“Bigie you be correct man” I left happily.
“Him no be correct man oh, him thief the laptop oh” I couldn’t tell if it was the Good part or the Bad part of my mind that said that.
“how you take know?” I asked the voice.
“how him go go gamble, and him no go come back with money, na only laptop him come back with” The voice said.
“na true oh” I agreed.
I stayed tranquil on the bed the next morning, thinking of what to do to the stolen laptop, when i heard Tega and Opopo entered the room.
“Tega i wan sell one laptop oh” I announced.
“ehen! I dey find laptop to buy sef, them don thief my laptop, where the one wey you wan sell?” He said.
“see am here” I brought out the laptop.
He looked keenly at the laptop, smiled, and said, “Flow so na you thief my laptop? Why na?”.
“you well so? I dey tell you say i wan sell laptop, you dey tell me say i thief your laptop” I replied.
“if headache dey catch you, go drink Paracetamol oh” I added. And the whole house laughed.
“i say this laptop na my own, them cut the window of Opopo motor com thief our two laptop wey we put inside” Tega said.
“when this thing happen?” I asked. “na yesterday afternoon” Opopo answered.
I remembered that Bigie had a device that could neatly cut the glass of a car, and that he had used it on Chief Livinus car in my presence.
That was when it dawned on me that Notorious BIG had done another Magic, or rather another Miracle.
“na Bigie thief una two laptop, na him give me this laptop oh” I found my lost voice.