Man Wey Dey Reason Episode 42 – Flow1759
“gbooooooaaaaaaar!!” One of the hefty guys smashed a bottle on the floor making my heartbeat read 20beats per second.
The bus conductor quickly dipped the bunch of money he held into his pocket, and he attacked Brainbox.
Bigie attacked one of the guys with the bottle. Lucky enough, the person he attacked was with a bottle that had not been broken.
“gboooooooaaaaaar!!” Another guy smashed the bottle he held making my heartbeat read 30beats per second. And that was the guy i was supposed to attack.
In Taekwondo martial Art, we were taught by our Sabonim that if we want to disarm a person with a weapon, we should sway to different directions swiftly, that if we notice the person’s vision becomes unsteady, we could easily collect the weapon, smartly though.
In Pidgin to sway that way is called “Turn-turn corner, Aeroplane corner”.
That was what i started doing and it seemed it was working. I did that keeping my guard.
“come fight na, you dey fear?” The guy said.
“you come na, you dey fear?” I replied.
The more he came closer to me, the more i swayed to different directions of the ring.
Ring i said because our Sabonim once told us that we should assume every fighting spot as a Ring.
The theory of the Great Mohammed Ali in his vibrant years was; “if you don’t come to me, i will not come to you, but if you come to me, i will sting you”. I was waiting for him to come and recieve a sting.
Ali’s famous cliche goes; “I Float like a Butterfly and sting like a Bee”. That was exactly what i did, or rather in my case, “I Flow like a Butterfly and sting like a Bee”.
So i stung him like a Bee with a punch to his chin, that was after i had kicked the bottle off his hand.
I lost focus in the fight and it almost cost me a serious dental harm.
Omoh mehn! The guy let out a punch to my mouth, that i thought i had lost my 32 teeth.
The next punch came to my right eye that i saw birds flew round my head.
That punch brought me back to seriousness, that i in all seriousness replied him.
I continued with my swaying trick, and my next target was his d’ick. In a movie i watched, one of actors said and i quote; “Don’t go for the Jugular, go for the D’ick”.
I sent a punch to his Solar plexus and continued swaying and shuffling. He sent one that couldn’t get me.
I was so focused on my target that i never saw him sent a heavy punch to my chest. It was as if a 50kg bag of Rice landed on my chest. My Heart unplugged from it’s axis. I heard something p’umping in my stomach.
“abi my heart don fall for my belle?” I asked myself.
That punch weakened me so much that instead of swaying and shuffling, i started dancing Tango.
Just when i was about retaliating by kicking his d’ick hard, the fight stopped.
How did it stop? You would ask.
I saw Man tapped the guy i was fighting on the head saying, “oya begin to dey dance”. The guy abruptly stopped fighting and started dancing.
I turned to see the other guys dancing also.
“wetin dey happen here na?” I inquired. “dem dey dance na, i don Jaz them” Man replied.
It now dawned on me that Man was at it again with his magic. The ever fetish Man.
I almost laughed at the Atilogu dance steps the guys were displaying.
If a Leopard could change it’s spot, then Brainbox would definately change. He hurriedly searched the pockets of the dancing clowns and collected their phones and other valuables, including the bunch of money in the Bus conductor’s pocket.
“when them go stop to dey dance sef?” Bigie inquired. “na in Five minutes time, make we dey go before them go get themself back” Man informed.
As we walked through the scary bush path that connected Mechanic Village and Nekede, “that guy wound me for my neck with that bottle oh” Bigie complained and i noticed the colar of his shirt had blood stains.
“when we reach house you go put Nchanwu for the wound” Man said.
Nchanwu is the name the Ibos call a scent plant that the leaves are used to spicen up Pepper soup, it has a very strong healing power for wounds, that is of course if the user would bear the pains it comes along with. I think the Yorubas call it Efinrin(am not sure, Yoruba people i get am?).
“Man how you take make those guys begin dance sef” I curiously asked. “na dis ring wey dey my hand i use” Man replied showing us a glittering silver ring in his right thumb.
It instantly dawned on me that that ring was the secret behind his magic powers.
I promised myself never to fight Man no matter what, even if he punches me first, i wouldn’t retaliate. Because i might end up not dancing Salsa but Galala.
We got home and Brainbox gave the money and phones he collected from the pockets of the dancing clowns to Bigie. Informing him that we would share our loots the next day, as well as the money we changed.
We entered the room to meet everybody, except Tega.
“i have brought my own money for the business we want to embark on, i have given it to Baba jay” Pkc informed. That was really good news. We were going on the right track.
We ate, chatted for a while and sleep came.
Since the rain had stopped, the atmosphere was cold.
Legend has it that one sleeps better in cold weather. So i slept like a bady tranquil in the bed.
In the middle of the night, my phone rang. I looked and saw “Nas” as the caller. Initially, i thought it was the American rapper Nas, maybe it was because I was awake but left my brain asleep.
“why Nas dey call me na?” I muttered and mistakenly pressed the “end” button instead of the “accept” button. And the connectivity went off.
I fumbled as i switched off the phone. And i promised myself i would call him first thing in the morning. Not the American rapper Nas, but my friend and course mate Nas.
Sleep flew away like a bird, and i couldn’t catch it.
What kept me company was the Orchestra of snoring made by my friends. Baba jay was playing the Violin, Man was playing the Flute, while Pkc was playing the Keyboard.
Just when i thought Brainbox wasn’t part of the Orchestra, he snarled.
Two minutes later, he snarled again to scare the living daylight off me, that i thought i had slept by the side of a Dog.
He snarled again, this time he stood up heading towards the toilet.
“Brainbox na you be that?” I inquired.
“no be me, na my spirit” He replied. The “spirit” i heard sent cold shivers down my spinal cord, because Brainbox really looked “spiritual” with his white cloth.
The next thing i heard was a heavy b’ang at the door.
“open this door” I heard a voice yelled from outside. I thought the MOPOs were back for a Season 2.
Brainbox ran out of the toilet and whispered to me, “who be that?”. “na MOPO oh, them don come again oh” I replied.
“Flow open this door” The voice yelled b’anging the door harder.
“Flow na your name them call na, go open the door for them” Brainbox whispered.
“i no be Flow, Flow no be my name” I replied.
I and Brainbox stampeded in the dark room.
We stampeded to the extent that we were practically hugging each other.
“Flow! Brainbox!! Man!!! Make una come open door for me na” I heard the voice called.
That was when it dawned on me that the person outside was Tega and not a MOPO. Because a MOPO wouldn’t mention the names of three of us, unless of course that MOPO was Ade.
I went to open the door and Tega asked, “why you dey fear to come open door na?”.
“i think say na MOPO na” I replied.
As Tega laughed at me loudly, i percieved that he was drunk. S’kunk drunk.
Not just him, but Opopo and Lydia also. They were all drunk.
“where una dey come from na?” I inquired.
“we go drink oh, as we dey come back naso Vigilante stop us oh, we beg tayah but them no gree leave us, them come give us broom make we sweep main road” Tega narrated.
“Flow darling!!” Lydia placed her hand on my chest. “mumu girl, Men dey drink, you wey be woman dey drink sef, comot your hand for my chest jor” I nearly said, and i removed her monster-like hand from my chest.
Tega went straight to lie on the floor, Lydia joined him.
But before Brainbox could take his position by my side, Opopo was already there. Brainbox had no choice but to manage the floor.
The smelling S’kunk air that Opopo breathe out instead of it to chase sleep far from me, it fetched me sleep.
I dreamt i was eating Suya.
Maybe it was the Suya i ate at Ama Hausa earlier that chased me to dreamland. Or maybe not.
Someone tapped me to daybreak, and i heard, “mumu Boy, you just dey chop Opopo vomit”, It was Man.
I opened my eyes wide to see that Opopo had thrown up close to my face.
And i realized the Suya i was eating in the dream were the b’alls of Eba Opopo threw up.
“guy i no know how i go do am oh, i no know how i go get my own 33thousand naira for the business wey we wan start oh, e be like say i no go follow una do am oh, I never pay Tupac him necklace money finish sef, guy i get so many wahala for my head oh” Man complained as both of us sat under the Mango tree the next morning.
“guy shebi we go start kponkpon work tomorrow, tell Madam Ifeoma make she borrow you the 33k na, say she go dey collect am small small if you dey work” I suggested. “na true talk oh” Man agreed.
Me that was suggesting, i had not even thought of how my thirty three thousand naira would come.
“guy make we go see how much them go give us as our share for that yesterday money” Man suggested and we walked towards Bigie’s room.
We got there at the nick of the time, when they had finished sharing the money.
“Flow na your own share be this, na 5k” Tupac offered me my share.
“Man na ur own be this, na 5k sef” He also offered Man his share.
I was filled with joy as i counted the money. Because i did little or nothing to earn it.
“But the problem now be say, how we go share dem this phone?” Brainbox said.
“na true oh, and if to say Ade dey, we for sell them” said Bigie.
“ehnnnn Brainbox since na you thief am, you go take one of the phone, Bigie go take one, Me I go take one, Man and Flow go share the last one” said Tupac.
That was cheating. As if it was possible for two persons to share a phone.
But i complained not, neither did Man, afterall our hands weren’t the hands that stole it.
All the phones were expensive, that i wondered how those motor park touts operated such expensive phones. Well, they weren’t the real owners, neither were we. The real owners weren’t those that bought the phones at first, the real owners were to come. Infact the real ownership is unending. Until it gets to the “final looter”.
Untill then, the owners of the Nokia camera phone were Man and Flow.
“una wicked oh, see as una take better phone com give me and Man this r’ubbish camera phone, e no good oh” I complained. What i never knew was that that phone would be the Goose that would lay us a Golden egg in the nearest future.
“Tupac take this 5k, minus am for the money wey i dey owe your” Man offered Tupac.
“make we gamble na” Brainbox suggested and they started gambling.
I knew somebody’s share of the loot would soon go down the drain. My prayer was that it shouldn’t be my crony Brainbox. On a second thought, it would be better for him to lose it, afterall he had paid his 33k.
Knowing that gambling was tempting, i hurriedly left the room to avoid Super story. Man joined me.
“guy the phone get bluetooth oh” Man noticed as he accessed the phone.
I cared not whether the phone had greentooth or yellowtooth, or even if it was toothless, all i cared about at that moment was that i needed some weed.
“make we go Paapa place na” I suggested.
“guy no worry, i carry weed for my pocket, make we go backyard go smoke am” Man said.
We got to the dirty backyard, sat down and started wrapping our weed.
Suddenly i heard, “sutu uwe gi”, it was a female voice. A familiar one at that.
“sutu uwe gi” i could now figure that it was Kate’s voice.
My brain was sharp enough to know that “Sutu uwe gi” literally means “remove your clothes”.
That meant a man was about to remove his clothes, or so i tot.
I was anxious to know who the man was, and how the f”ucking would look like, so i tiptoed towards Kate’s window, Man followed behind.
To our greatest surprise, we saw no man but two women.
Mama Ejima and Kate.
Mama Ejima was kneeling down. Maybe she was pleading for something as i could see she wore a “pity” face. Or maybe not.
“anunam nunu, sutu uwe gi” Kate said. That was when it dawned on me that Mama Ejima was actually pleading.
“anunam nunu” means “i have heard you”. Kate was an indigene of Owerri North local government, so was Mama Ejima, that was why they both loved conversing with Owerri dialet. A dialet that sounded like Efik.
As Mama Ejima started u’ndressing, i was wondering what her offence was that would warant her to u’ndress before she would be pardoned.
The drama started.
Mama Ejima was n’aked, and as Kate stood up, i saw that she too was n’aked.
They started making love.
Had my d’ick rose, i would had punished it later.
Instead of it to rise, it shrunk.
It shrunk because i so much hated watching L’esbians do their thing. Even g’ays. I prefered watching the real thing.
I watched the Movie keenly for about two minutes. Keenly, because that was my first time of seeing such.
I was feed up, and as i turned to leave, i saw what surprised me.
Man was silently videoing them with our Nokia phone all this while.
Blackmail read in my mind.