Man Wey Dey Reason Episode 27 – Flow1759
The next morning as we were preparing for work, Tega came in.
He came with so many goodies.
Ranging from Fruit juice to meat pie to Ice cream, to Suya.
“Tega where you bring all this things from na?” Brainbox asked as we were munching the huge meat pie. “na thief i thief am” Tega answered him perfectly.
The best answer to such f’oolish question.
We took a pack of the Fruit juice with us and we were off to work.
As we came out of the compound, We met Tupac with a Lady, the same lady that came for Mbonchi the previous day.
On seeing us, Tupac left the Lady and came to us saying, “guys make una help me with 500naira make i complete the money wey i wan give dis girl for transport, she dey go back Akwa”. “i no get money” Brainbox said at the top of his voice. “i no get money” Man also said.
“Flow, u nkor?” Tupac asked. I wanted to say “i no get money” also, but i had money with me and there was no need lying. And it was best i saved a friend in need.
“take, u go give me back oh” I offered Tupac 500naira. “thank you, if u come back from work, i go give u” Tupac assured.
I wondered what he would have done had he not met us.
Tupac wasn’t working, Bigie also wasn’t working. Sorry, Bigie was a professional pick pocket, an expert in pilfering and a professor of looting, that was his job. But what was Tupac’s Job? Was my question.
How he managed to fort the bills of his numerous girlfriends marvelled me.
I promised myself i would find out more about Tupac.
We suddenly saw Solid Block industry truck drove towards us. The same block Industry Kate entered the other day.
“guys make we Tamoh this truck na” I suggested to my guys. “wetin be Tamoh?” Man asked me.
“when we reach there u go know” I answered him the way he loved answering such important question, and Brainbox laughed.
I knew Brainbox understood what Tamoh meant because he grew up partly in Lagos.
Tamoh was a Lagos slang that meant to hang on a moving vehicle. It should be Yoruba.
I ran very fast after the truck and hung with a perfect dexterity, Brainbox followed. On seeing us, Man understood what Tamoh meant, so he joined us.
The truck driver knew us so he held his peace.
The three of us hung on the truck like the picture perfect touts we were.
As the truck increased speed, i was wondering what would happen if one of us fell off.
I assured myself that that couldn’t happen. Since we were kponkponist, it shouldn’t be difficult to clung to a moving truck, so i tot.
I had always been a good “Tamoher”. Tamoh was in born because i grew up in the ghetto.
But that day Tamoh failed me. Or would i say i failed Tamoh.
I clung to the truck with my right hand and held the Fruit juice with my left hand.
All of a sudden, the Fruit Juice fell from my hand to the ground, and the content exploded on the road. “Flow you don pour our Five alive for ground, u don f”uck up” Brainbox yelled at me.
“i don f”uck up true true oh” I said.
Little did i know that worse problem was yet to come.
The truck driver was moving at a very high speed that i was wondering if he was drunk.
Don’t drink and drive, they say. But legend has it that if you smoke weed, you would drive as fast as if you were on a F1 race Championship. You could even win the Championship if u wish. If only the F1 race athletes knew about “igboh”, they would take like five wraps to increase their l’ibido before the start of every race.
The truck driver was driving that fast because he was a student of Paapa weed secondary school, Nekede, Owerri. I had seen him there before. Maybe he went for early morning “weedioly” lecture before hiting the road. Just maybe.
We got close to a pot hole, yet he drove faster. I was dead frightened. The truck galloped as it reached the pot hole, sending a discordant tune down my brain. Not only that.
My hands failed me.
I lost my grib.
A car was moving at a high speed behind us.
I heard my heart almost burst my solar plexus open.
I was gonna die, or so i tot.
“Am coming home Lord” i said in my mind.
In my mind’s eyes, i saw myself in heaven.
All these were unfolding within split seconds.
Within split seconds also, Brainbox skillfully grabbed me by my T-shirt and pulled me back. I was saved by the bell.
I was saved by Brainbox.
The same Brainbox i almost poisoned with Urine.
He grabbed me with so much Dexterity i must say. Little wonder he told me while we were at Umunkoto that he had worked as a bus Conductor in Lagos before he got admission into the University, i never believed him then.
But I could now believe.
I found back my grib, as i managed to clung to the truck, even though i was as fidgety as Baba jay the Epilepsy victim.
“oga driver take am easy oh, na human beings dey here, no be goat” Man yelled at the driver.
“na me carry una enter my motor? Who tell una to hang there?” the driver responded.
“naso person dey die oh” i said to myself, as i saw that my T-shirt was torn.
Better for me to the n”aked than for me to be gone.
“because dead body no dey mix rice and beans”
No Mama Calabar that day. We ate at home, so we weren’t hungry, or so i tot.
No Ike Nwoke also. Were were full of strength, or so i tot.
The work for that day was different.
We were to clear the bushes that were grown around the partially erected building of the Filling Station to be.
Madam Ifeoma ordered us to clear the bushy area because we would be casting the outside concrete soon.
She agreed to pay us 2500naira each for the job, and she left to return later when we might had completed the job.
So it was more of a collective task than an individual task.
“but na cheating oh, some people sabi clear grass pass some people na” I tot.
People like me were expert in clearing bushes, be it Field or Forest. Cutlass was a tool my right hand loved so much.
I was an expert in the game.
An expert because i grew up in a Barrack surrounded by bushes. Bush Clearing was what i started practising as young as age 10.
As we continued clearing, i saw Brainbox was fumbling with his cutlass. Infact he was practically quarrelling with his cutlass. Like they say; “bad workman always quarrels with his tool”. He was indeed a bad workman.
As we were half way through, suddenly, i saw something moved in the bush just close to me.
I tot it was a snake, so i withdrew.
I continued cutting, and it moved again, bringing out its u’gly head. I instantly realized it was a snake. A huge green snake.
“make una come see snake oh” i cried out.
My fellow labourers came closer to see that the Snake had gone hiding.
“e don run” i said. Before i finished saying that, it came out again.
Igbakwambo and Ochagbuorie ran away very fast stumbling in the process . I too ran, but not too far from sight. Brainbox was nowhere to be found, he had disappeared. I could recall he had told me he hated Snakes.
But Man still stood there.
He stood there speaking what sounded like Hausa.
Was Hausa Language the Language of Snakes? So i tot.
I came closer to hear it wasn’t Hausa, it was an incantation. An incantation to tame the Snake.
“Man u get mind oh” i said.
He paid me no attention but continued his incantation. He even added dancing to it.
The incantation continued for about 10minutes.
And all of a sudden, the Snake came out of the bush and crawled to Man’s leg.
From Man’s leg it advanced to his d”ick area. Was it heading to eat up Man’s third leg? Or was it adding to Man’s Legs to make him have Four legs?
“Man e go chop ur p’rick oh” I said.
Man paid me no attention but continued with incantation.
Or was Man a Native doctor when he was in Sokoto?
The snake came out from the belt area of his trouser and headed for his chest.
Before i knew it, the Snake had twined Man’s stomach and Man held it by the head with his left hand.
The sight made huge goose pimples grew all over my body.
Was i dreaming?
“make una come, e no go bite una” Man said walking towards me.
“make i come wetin? i never wan die” I said as i gathered momentum to run.
As i placed my foot “gear lever” on “gear 5” to take to my heels, something obstructed me and i fell to the ground.
I tried picking myself up but couldn’t.
I managed to turn facing the skies.
Man was getting close. He came even closer and said, “Flow e no go bite you, i don tell am say make e no bite you”.
“Man abeg, anything wey u want i go give you. Abeg no put that snake for my body, Abeg!! Abeg!!” I pleaded. All to no avail.
“brahaanwawakamadamama!!” was the only word my mouth found to pronounce as Man placed the Snake on me.
True to his words, the Snake didn’t bite me. Albeit as it moved round my lower abdomen it sent a sweet sensation to my brain.
Strange world indeed, you would say. How would a human being God created tame an animal with incantation?
The kind of friends i had were gradually scaring poo out of my a”ss.
Since they say; “show me your friends and i will tell you who you are”. Man was my friend, so was i a Native Doctor?