Man Wey Dey Reason Episode 15 – Flow1759
“Obele how far? Give me indomie and egg, with hot Tea” Man ordered as we got to Obele canteen.
He wasn’t talking of Hot Tramadol, but hot cup of Tea.
“Man, for dis kin hot weda you wan drink hot Tea?” I said. “ehen e concern you? No be wetin i wan enjoy with my money i go enjoy?” Man attacked.
“Obele bring the same thing for me” Brainbox ordered after 2minutes.
I had no choice but to say, “Obele me sef want the same thing”.
After the meal, we walked home gisting.
“guy if i finish NYSC, i go go my village go contest for councellor” Brainbox informed us. “if person like u become councellor, that means say una people don die finish be that, u go use ur brain chop all their money finish” I said and we laughed at Brainbox. “BRAINBOX!! BRAINBOX the councellor from Mbaise!!” we hailed.
We entered the compound to meet Daniel and David playing football, “Man wey dey reason!! Man wey dey reason!! Man wey dey reason!!” the twins cheered at the top of their voices. “eeeh Children Children!! Make una use dis one buy biscuit chop” Man said offering them a 100naira note. Daniel grabbed the money and ran and David ran after him.
We got to the room to meet an unusual scene. Tega was having a meeting with his Bucanneer Brothers in our room.
“Tega, wetin be dis one na? Na our room be the only place una fit use as una Alora meeting? What of if Pkc come back now, how him go feel?” I said to Tega after i called him outside. “make una no vex abeg, we no go waste time, we dey discuss some important things, abeg make una no vex abeg abeg” Tega pleaded. “na Abeg we go chop? Find us something jor” Man said. “okay make una Manage dis one” Tega said offering us 1000naira. “ehen na now u talk better” Brainbox said smiling. He smiles only when money smiles back at him.
“where other guys go?” I asked Tega.
“PKC go church, Snoop and Bigie dey gamble for dem Bigie room, Baba jay say him wan go swim for Ozommiri river” Tega replied.
“Flow make we go swim na, e don tay wey i swim oh. As we never baf kponkpon comot for our body, we go carry soap and we go baf there” Man suggested. “yes, make we go swim, make i show una say i be fish for water” Brainbox said.
I nodded in aggreement.
What Man and Brainbox never knew was that Flow could flow any other place but not in water.
That their friend Flow could drown even in a gutter filled with water. Not to talk of swiming in a tributary of the dreaded Otammiri river.
At that moment i remembered what was written in a sign post at FUTO, warning students not to swim in the Otammiri tributary. It read: “Wherever you go, Whatever you do. Do not swim in Otammiri River. Many had passed away”.
Would Flow join those that had passed away? God forbid!!
“make una enter water na” Baba jay said as he was swimming skillfully in a butterfly stroke.
“Flow, pull ur cloth make we enter water na” Man who was already stark n*aked said to me.
“so we no go wear anything? We go n*aked?” I replied, “before nkor, u see any woman here, everybody wey dey here na Man like u, abi u dey fear water?” Man queried. “how i go fear water, i be small pekin?” i answered a question with a question.
That we were all guys wasn’t a cogent reason to bathe stark n*aked. Water creatures could sting our d’ick, you know? So i tot.
As Man removed his clothes, my eyes went to nowhere else but his extra large d’ick. “oboy eeeeeh!! na only u carry dis big thing!” I yelled with my mouth wide open. “u like my p’rick? Na Ak47 oh, any babe wey i catch for bed must beg me before i go free her” Man said. “Man wey dey reason!! Your prick sef dey carry kponkpon” I teased with my mouth still wide open.
Man’s d’ick wasn’t as huge as a tuber of Cassava, but as huge as a tuber of Yam, infact his name should have been Dickson and not Man.
While the d’ick of Brainbox was an “eyesore”. It was so small and unkept that i could barely see the shalf because it was covered by the bushy hairs. It was so unkept that if you call the bushy hairs in it a “tropical rain forest” you wouldn’t be far from the truth.
Don’t ask me, about mine? Since my d’ick was my most valuable asset, i took care of it how best i could. Although i had not “feed” it for a while now, i knew “food” would soon come. Or so i tot.
Everybody were in water Swimming except Flow, i was pondering how best to dive in. “Flow enter water na, u dey fear?” Brainbox said.
“How i go fear!” i replied
“gbooodoooooom!!” i dived into the River like an Elephant.
Not knowing sorrow was already knocking at my door. But it was left for me to open my door or not to open.
Baba jay was skillfully displaying butterfly stroke at the “deep” part of the River.
Man was “more” skillfully displaying backstroke at the “deeper” part of the River.
Brainbox was “most” skillfully displaying b’reaststroke at the “deepest” part of the River.
While Mr Flow was “mostest” skillfully displaying “Okpolo” stroke at the shallow end of the River.
In Yoruba language, Okpólò means Frog, and it could be interpreted to mean Awó in Igbo Language.
I was peacefully swimming, or rather taking my bath in the shallow part of the River, when something grabbed my d’ick.
“yeeeeeeeeeh!! Fish don chop my p’rick oh!! make una help me oh!!” I cried out for help.
The Fish never saw the d’ick of Brainbox to eat, it never saw the huge d’ick of Man to feed on, it never saw the d’ick of Baba jay to munch. But it preffered the most precious d’ick of Flow, but why? Or was my d’ick the biggest bait? No, of course. If it wanted the biggest bait, then Man’s d’ick was the right choice.
“aaaaaaaaaaaah!! Make una come help me, e don chop my p’rick oooh” i cried. All of a sudden, Brainbox brought his head out of water right in front of me, laughing at me. The others also laughed beyond control.
At that moment, it dawned on me that Brainbox was the Fish that held my d’ick. “Brainbox, which kin play be this na?” I said. “so naso u like ur p’rick reach” He replied still laughing. “oooh, so u no like ur own p’rick?” I said with a frown.
After about 10minutes, Brainbox came again with mischief, this time dragging me to the deep part of the River. “Brainbox abeg na, i no sabi swim, abeg na” I pleaded, “na one day dem dey take learn something” He said still dragging me forcefully. I pleaded, and pleaded, all to no avail.
He took me to a very deep part and left me. Where he left me, the current was moving so fast. I tried my “Okpolo” stroke, but it failed me. The current was so strong that I was gradually flowing with it.
“Flow! Flow!! Flow!!!” my guys were cheering.
“Help!! Make una help!! I don dey die oh, Help!!” I cried for help in my mind, i couldn’t speak it out because i had instantly gone d’umb.
The current was gradually pulling my body mass and my friends were laughing. I was dying slowly and my friends were laughing. Otammiri was killing me gradually and my friends were laughing.
“Lord am coming home, take my soul, if this is where my life clock stop, then take my soul, but if my life clock hasn’t stopped yet, pls take my hand and save me” I said a quick prayer. I stretched out my right hand in faith that the Lord would grab it and save me.
Just at the nick of time, a hand grabbed my right hand. It was the hand of Brainbox, or rather the hand of God.
I was saved by the bell.