Man Wey Dey Reason Episode 12 – Flow1759
“oga Benson give us Tea” Man ordered as we got to Oga Benson’s shop. “how many tablet?” Oga Benson asked.
“Flow how many dose u want?” Man asked me. “na one dose oh, i never wan die, my time never reach” i confessed.
“Brainbox, you nkor?” He asked Brainbox, “na two dose i want” Brainbox answered.
“see Brainbox dey ask for two dose oh, abi him think say tramadol na paracetamol?” i tot.
I just hope he wouldn’t regret asking for two dose. Well, all i had to do was to exercise patience for time to tell.
Man collected the money for one dose from me. So the 130naira i had left was reduced to 100naira.
“make we go barb our hair na” Man suggested, “make we go, my bear bear don grow well well sef” i said, “but which better barber go fit barb us wella?” Brainbox asked, “Ade na correct barber, him go fit barb us” Man replied. “who be Ade?” i asked Man.
“when we reach there, u go see am” i knew the answer before he answered.
Like a typical Yoruba guy, Ade was playing the song of his name sake Sunny Ade when we entered his barber’s shop.
I wondered what would make a typical “O’femmanu” boy like Ade leave his O’femmanu land for greener pastures in the “Land of the Jews”. I promised myself i would find out.
Ade was a tall dark guy. He was the perfect description of Handsome Hunk. He was very handsome, but something spoilt his handsomeness; his tribal marks.
He was the perfect description of, “i fight Lion, Lion com finger me for face”.
Ade’s barber’s shop was beautiful, frankly speaking the most beautiful of all the barber’s shop i had seen in a long while.
“Ade shebi to barb and shave na 150?” Man asked, “Yes na, una wan barb?” Ade asked a s’tupid question, “no we come to play ball for your barbing salon” i almost said.
“Brainbox abeg, na 100naira i hold here and i wan barb and shave, help me with 50naira make i add” I whispered to Brainbox as we sat waiting for our turn. “if i give u 50naira, u go pay me back 100naira, u aggree?” Brainbox said, “comot jor, u too like money, money wey mistake enter ur pocket don miss road be dat” i cursed.
I turned left and asked Man to help me with the 50naira. Onlike Brainbox, he gave me the money without thinking twice. That was why i so much loved “Man wey dey reason”, he was selfless and not selfish.
After Ade finished giving us a nice hair cut and we paid, it instantly dawned on me that my Biscuit money was finished. What was suppose to be a “take home pay” couldn’t even take me half way home.
We arrived the compound to meet a cheerful atmosphere.
Daniel and David were playing football, Haruna and his “Miss World” wife were watching over their wares against any Evil plan of L101 and L102, i suppose. Not knowing that the L101 and L102 thieves would always take them unaware.
As we stood close to the compound’s gate gisting with Bigie, someone came in. That someone came in with an Ape.
What made me realized the “thing” Tupac came in with wasn’t an Ape was when she said, “hello” to nobody in particular, “hi” Bigie responded.
As the name “Bigie” was to Stealing, so was the name “Tupac” to Womanizing.
He could go after anything on skirt, trouser, b’ombshot and even wrapper.
He could sleep with anyone carrying two “Oranges” in the chest. Whether the Oranges are Big or Small, ripe or unripe.
S’ex was the most valueable word in his dictionary. But not S’ex with an Ape na?
The lady, or rather the Ape Tupac came in with was very short. She was as dark as my grandmum’s cooking pot, no “manchester”, no “backassi”.
To crown the whole thing up, she was practically limping.
“so naso Tupac dey carry anyhow woman?” i said to Bigie after Tupac left with his Ape, “no oh, him dey carry fine fine ones sef oh, him wan just thief the girl Kpomoh chop” Bigie replied with a smile.
Talking of “thiefing” Kpomoh, i hope the Kpomoh i kept in my bag haven’t been “thiefed”? I just hope so.
As we walked to our room, i silently muttered a prayer to God that my 1500naira should still be in my bag.
The room was rather silent to our surprise.
We met “the kind” Pkc studying the Bible.
“Pkc where everybody na?” Brainbox asked, “i met only Baba jay at home when i came, he just left now, he went to buy drugs for his headache and body pains” Pkc replied.
“how him no go get headache and body pain, when Opopo don beat s’hit comot for him body” i thought with the left side of my brain.
While the right side of my brain told me to quickly confirm if my money was still in the bag.
I grabbed my bag to confirm. Lo and behold the money was gone. Bigie had done his worst.
He tore my bag open.
Maybe he was on a revenge mission for the 3k i stole, or rather, i found in my trouser pocket, just maybe.
But if you ask me i would say he stole the change left of his 3k.
Penny wise, Pounds f’oolish.
SCORES: Flow 1 – Bigie 1
“Flow dis one wey ur face dey like dis, any wahala?” Snoop asked as we sat under the mango tree, “no problem oh, i just no dey happy” I replied.
“guy make we no dey let Bigie enter our room again, dat guy na big thief” I said with a frown. “shey him thief ur money?” Snoop inquired. “no oh, dem no born am well make him thief my money na” i lied.
“guy MAN U get match with Fulham today oh” Snoop informed, ” ok, na which time the match be?” I asked, “e go soon start sef” Snoop replied.
“Man, u go follow us go watch MAN U match?” I asked Man as he came to join us.
“even if i no be MAN U fan, i go follow una go watch una match, so i go fit laugh una when una lose the match” Man said. “no wahala make we see weda Fulham go fit win us for our home” i said.
Just then, the talented pilferer, the skillful pick pocket and the world best robber came in. No other person than Bigie smalls.
“make una come make we go watch match, i go buy one bottle of beer for everybody if we win the match” Bigie said.
“you be thief, na the money wey u thief for my bag nahim u wan take buy us beer, thunder go fire u” i almost said
“B I G!!! U be correct man” Man hailed “where we go stay drink the beer na?” Brainbox asked an irrelevant question, “even if we go stay inside toilet drink am, that one no matter, my own be say i wan drink one big Udeme” I said and they all laughed.
When i said Udeme, i meant Guinness, a.k.a Big bros, a.k.a 1759. Udeme was coined out from a Guinness advert on Tv, an advert i would say was the best advert on Tv at that time. The starting line of the advert i would never forget, it read: “My friend Udeme is a great man, when he was a boy his teacher asked him where he would love working, up there!! he said”. And the concluding line read: “at the end of the day friendly light would guide him home. And on a table of men, he would say; let the beer see the skies but not for too long”.
“make una no worry we go drink for Riverside after the Match” Man said. “where be Riverside na?” i asked.
“when we reach there u go see am” Man answered his usual way.
I, Brainbox, Man, Bigie and Snoop set off to the football viewing centre. What we never knew was that a friend of ours would almost kick the bucket because of L102, or rather L105.
That friend of ours was Brainbox.