Man Wey Dey Reason Episode 9 – Flow1759

Man Wey Dey Reason Episode 9 – Flow1759

“u dey mad Man, so King Edward don turn to Soft drink abi, MOG no mind am oh, him follow us dey drink oh” I said and Man winked at Me. “i am not here to argue with u guys, i just came to inform u guys that a bus would be coming to Nekede to pick our Members to church tomorrow, the bus would be at Uzommiri bus stop by 7am tomorrow, u guys should try to catch up with the bus ok!” MOG narrated.

“Ok, i will be leaving, see u guys tomorrow in church, Brother Ugo i want to see u outside” MOG said. I almost Forgot Ugo was my name.

I thought it was the beginning of my doom. I thought it was Judgement Day. I was scared. “wetin him wan see me for na? abi na only me drink” I tot as i walked outside to meet MOG.

“Man of God, i am very sorry, pls forgive me, it is the devil that made me drink, i promise not to drink again, pls am am am am am sorry” i stammered.

“you shouldn’t ask me for forgiveness, ask God for Forgiveness, He will forgive u, because He is a merciful God, Jesus died for our sins remember!” MOG preached. One thing i liked about MOG was that he was the perfect description of “pulpit on the move”, he could preach the Gospel anywhere he found himself, even in a bar.

Talking of bar, while we were at Umunkoto, there was a night MOG came to our house bleeding seriously. He later told us he went to a bar to preach the Gospel and an angry guy at the bar smashed bottle on his head. He only told us the “part 2” of the story, without telling us the “part 1”, because he never told us what warranted the guy to smash the bottle on his head. Maybe he was forcefully insisting the guy gave his life to Christ, just maybe.

The indelible mark of the injury he sustained was clearly visible in the right side of his head as a proof of his Love for Christ. MOG was the kind of pastor that could die for the Gospel’s Sake.

“why i wanted to see you was because i wanted you to pls help me with 200naira” MOG said showing me his two fingers to illustrate 200naira, a sign he always used when begging for money. MOG was the kind of Pastor that whatever he wanted, he gets. Even if he wanted the World Bank as a birthday gift, he would simply ask his heavenly Father, and it would be granted.

At that moment, it was as if i saw Angel Gabriel standing beside MOG saying, “u better give him that money or………………”. “i go give am oooh” i cried out.

“brother Ugo are u okay?” MOG queried. “am okay pastor, is just that i have 500naira with me, let me go make change from Nkiru’s shop” i said. “don’t worry, just give me the 500naira, the Lord knows why he provided u with 500naira note. He want to bless u greatly, because the blessing of 500naira is not the same as the blessing of 200naira” MOG explained.

I brought out my wallet reluctantly and removed 500naira from the 1000naira Bigie gave me earlier.

“mehhnn!! nawa for dis MOG oh, see as him don short me 500naira” i grumbled as i walked into the room, not knowing that the “500naira blessing” MOG talked about was waiting for me inside.

“Flow wetin MOG tell u for Outside sef?” Baba jay asked as i entered. “normal thing na, him say make i find am small money” i responded.

“ehen, as u and MOG dey outside dey yan, Bigie come return ur jeans wey him borrow from u yesterday, see am there” Baby Jay said pointing at where the trouser was.

I took the trouser and wore it, “Bigie don make dis trouser big for me oh, why i give am sef” i complained and the whole house laughed. I felt something was inside the pocket of the jean trouser so i deeped my hands into the pocket. I felt something like a roll of R’itzler in the right pocket. “shey dis Bigie dey sell igboh? See as him pack plenty R’itzler put for pocket” i tot. It wasn’t a roll of Ritzler but a roll Money.

I couldn’t bring my right hand out of the pocket, because it had instantly stuck to the Money like bee to nectar. Even if my right hand came out of the pocket, i promised myself it wouldn’t come out with the money because my guys were ready to “kill, steal and destroy” to get their share of the money.

I was sure the money wouldn’t be less than 3k. I thought for a while of how i could spend the money quickly before Bigie would realize his mistakes, so i concluded and said,
“Brainbox make we go Nkiru side na, i wan buy 1500 recharge card”.

My mission was to buy the recharge card from Nkiru’s shop, and leave. I never knew Brainbox had a seperate plan. L102

“Nkiru i wan buy 1500 recharge card, MTN” i ordered as we got to Nkiru’s shop. “Oga Haruna, i dey greet oh” I greeted Huruna her husband who was seated in the shop carrying their baby. “oga Haruna i hail oh” Brainbox also greeted.

Brainbox stood at my back staring at the wares on display. Unaware to me that he had already started “writing” L101 “exam” and his next course would be L102.

“oga Haruna, dis una pekin fine oh” i flattered as i carried the little baby from him. I actually said that with heavy irony. “ehen na her mama she resemble na” Haruna said smiling.

My oh my!! The baby was d’amn “beautifully u’gly”, just like her mum. “Like mother, like daughter” goes the popular adage. But my prayer for the baby was that she doesn’t grow up to become u’glier than her mum. If not she would most definately win the “u’gly pageant” as the u’gliest woman in Nigeria.

Brainbox finished writing L101 exam and started writing L102, as i could feel him putting something in my back pocket. I tried to figure out what it could be, then i concluded it to be small size Peak tin milk because it was a bit heavy.

After about 2minutes of carrying the beautifully u’gly baby, i handed her to her Dad, before she would infect me with “u’gly disease” making my unborn child look like her.

Nkiru handed over the 1500 recharge card to me, and i paid.

As i was about turning to leave, i felt another Peak tin milk entered my other back pocket. It seemed Brainbox had not finished writing L102 exam, so i tried to kill time by recharging my phone with the 1500 card. Before i could finish recharging, “pens up!!”, Brainbox signalled the end of L102 exam by pinching me at the back.

As we walked out of the shop, i saw from the corner of my eyes that Haruna was staring at my two bulging back pockets. Or had we gotten carry over in L102?

“abi him don catch us?” i asked myself as i increased my steps.

“wey Baba jay na?” Brainbox asked as we enter the room. “him dey toilet oh, the guy dey vomit for toilet” Man said. “so na dis Saint Remy wey him drink, nahim make am dey vomit, after him go say him be old man” i said.

“wetin una carry for una pocket na?” Man asked. I brought out the content of my back pocket. I was right, it was two tin Peak milk. Brainbox also emptied his pocket, what he brought out surprised me.

Sadines, tin tomatoes, sachet salt, onion balls were what he stole. We had actually gone shopping, shopping without paying.

“dis Brainbox u be original thief oh, see all the things wey u thief, infact na u be the king of looting for dis house oh” i said.

“which kin king of looting him be? For where Baba jay and Man dey? E get one day wey Baba jay go Nkiru place go do L101, so wen him reach there, him com see say na Boxers him wear and Boxers no dey get pocket, naso him com put the tin tomatoe for him mouth oh, as Nkiru com dey talk to Baba jay, Baba Jay no answer her so she no go know say him put tin tomatoe for him mouth, instead Baba jay just dey shake him head” Snoop narrated. “shey Nkiru catch am?” i asked, “for where, dem dey catch breeze?” Tega added. I believed the story, because Baba jay had a mouth that was wide enough to contain even as much as “five” tin tomatoes conveniently. (kids: don’t try this at home).

“u never hear anything sef, what of Man wey wear Cap go do L101, as him reach Nkiru shop naso him thief dried Fish com put am for the Cap, com wear the Cap for him head” Tega narrated. (kids: you can try this at home, but don’t let mummy catch you).

I couldn’t help but laughed at how guys could go the extra length just to get an A in the course L101. In my Mind, i was trying to figure out between Man and Baba jay who could be called “the course rep.” of L101.

“mehn! Boys get skills for Looting oh” Brainbox confessed and we all laughed.

An hour later, it was time to sleep. It was certian that two persons would be sleeping on the floor. The question was who and who would the two persons be?

Man whispered an idea to me,”Man wey dey reason!!” i cheered.

“Tega, show for outside, me and Man wan see u” i told Tega.

Tega joined us outside and Man said, “u know say Pkc no dey, and u know say na two visitors you bring? That one mean say na two people go sleep for ground, and e no go make sense make ur visitors sleep for ground?” Man explained. “yes na” Tega responded. “so me and Man wan tell u say we go sleep for ground, but u go find us small money” I said, “like how much?” Tega inquired, “just give us 1000naira, 500naira for Flow, 500naira for me” Man said.

“ok, make i give una 600naira abeg” Tega pleaded. “no be groundnut we dey sell wey u go dey price am na” Man said. “u be our main man, no wahala bring am we go manage am like that, bring the 600naira” I added.

As Tega was bringing out the money from his wallet, i recalled what MOG told me earlier, his words: “200naira blessing is not the same as 500naira blessing”. I had already recieved doublefold blessing that day.

Sunday came with the thought of church service.

In our bathroom door lies a pin hole. A pinhole that guys used to have a glimpse of the n’aked body of female visitors. The code name of this act was “flatscreen”. because when you peep through the pin hole, u could get a view that was as clear as watching a b’lue f’ilm in a flatscreen Tv.

“why u dey flatscreen my babe, u dey mad?” Tega queried pushing Man very hard. “ehen, u no dey flatscreen another person babe?” Man attacked. They argued in a low vioce for a while. “make una no dey argue, make the babe no hear una from inside oh” i cautioned.

One thing about our house was that we lived in brotherly love. We shared shirts, trousers, even shoes.

Every other person had gone to the bus stop to wait for the bus MOG told us of, except Me and Man. We were the last to visit the bathroom. We were rushing up in other for us to meet up the bus.

“Man, see wahala oh, one person don wear my trouser wey i wash and iron oh” i complained after searching all nooks and crannies for my black trouser. “that mean say u go look for another trouser wey u go do Wet soul na” Man responded.

Wet soul was a code name for pouring water and brushing the dirts off a dirty cloth(trouser or shirt). So immediately you finish doing that, you would wear the cloth no matter how wet it was. Your hope would be that the cloth would be dried by the breeze on your way going out. The name Wet soul was gotten from the name of the American designer shirt “Dirty Soul”. Wet soul was first done by Man on a Dirty soul designer shirt. So that was how the code name was coined out

“me sef oh, dem don wear my shoe oh” Man noticed. “u go wear that Waka about shoe na” i suggested.

Waka about shoe was a shabby looking timberland shoe we had. The shoe was the kind of shoe a dog could bark at when it sees it. Man even told me there was a day he wore the Waka about shoe to do kponkpon work.

So with my Wet soul designers trousers, and Man’s Waka about designers shoe, we walked fast to meet the others at the bus stop.

“Baba jay, so na u wear my trouser wey i dey find, u don kolo oh” I cursed as we stood at the bus stop waiting for other members. “you dey mad, you fit tell ur elder brother say him don Kolo?” Baba jay said and the other guys laughed. “i no get elder brother, even if i get, my elder brother no fit be like u” i said.

True talk! No one would pray to have an elder brother like Baba jay. I aggree, we were all poor boys, but Baba jay was as poor as a church rat. He couldn’t boast of owning any property in the house. The best word to describe him was “Parasite”. He lived at the mercies of others. He had finished from FUTO since last year, but he had not paid his school fees from 200level to final year, so he came to stay in Nekede waiting for mannar to fall from above. If i were him, i wouldn’t have turned down the offer made by Man to join the Kponkpon “business”. You never can tell, he could have gradually saved up the money for his fees.

“Bus wan move oh, make una come enter oh” Brainbox said. The number of people to board the bus was much, it was as if the bus wouldn’t contain us all, or so i thought.

I was trying my best to enter so i wouldn’t be left behind but the F’at a’ss girl in front of me hindered me with her a’ss.

Alas! I was the last to enter but there was still a seat left, for an angel of God to seat on and watch over us as we journeyed.

Yes, an angel came to occupy the seat, not an angel of God but an angel in Human flesh.

The name of that angel wasn’t Angel Gabriel but Angel Gabriella. The beautiful Grabriella.

Saying Gabriella was the most beautiful choir member was an understatement, she was the most beautiful girl in the church. She wasn’t only beautiful facially, her voice was also beautiful because whenever she leads praise and worship, she brings Heaven down with her sonorous voice.

“good morning all” she greeted taking her seat by my side.

Mehn! She was more beautiful than i thought as i could see her well arranged set of teeth as she smiled. If there was one lady i had a huge crush on in church, that lady was Gabriella. I had a crush on her but i had never spoken a word to her since i started attending that church.

“u are looking good” i spoke to her for the first time. “thank u” she replied.

As the bus moved, i quickly remembered i was wearing a Wet soul designers trouser, so i adjusted a bit for Gabriella not to feel the Wetness of my Wet soul.