THE BrideGROOM. Episode 11 and 12

THE BrideGROOM. Episode 11 and 12

Mr Ambrose: so what would you like us to do? Stay home and cook or eat out?

Chioma: let’s go to Food and Fun. I haven’t been there in a long while.

Mr Ambrose: anything else you’ll like to do? Like seeing a movie afterwards?

Chioma: ermmm, we can go swimming.

(The couple got to Food and Fun and were given a table for two beside another couple, who happened to be Nina.
She was on a first date with someone she met over the internet. Mr Ambrose did not recognise her as he barely saw her face the day they visited his office.

The couple ordered their preferred meals and as they spoke and ate, Nina listened and recorded their conversations!)

Mr Ambrose: so tell me, how do you think we are doing in terms of our family life?

Chioma: I think we are doing great!

Mr Ambrose: do you think we need to increase the budget since we are going to have Kate as a live-in Nanny, from next month?

Chioma: not really. Kate is not so much of a food person. Let’s leave it the way it is at the moment but if after next month, I think it wasn’t sufficient , then I’ll let you know.

Mr Ambrose: what about security? You know it broke my heart when Tatiana spoke about Mr thief the other day.
She still has memories of that robbery. My poor daughter! I want to make sure she never witnesses such horror again including Shasha. No child deserves to witness that.

Chioma: that’s what happens when you have a very intelligent child. But I think Patrick is doing a good job, we don’t need more security. And dont forget, except the Lord keeps a city, the watchmen watch in vain! God watches over us.

Mr Ambrose: Amen!! do you have any other concerns at all?

Chioma: concerns? No. But I have something to tell you. I’m not sure if it’s the best news since Shasha is only 10 months…

Mr Ambrose: are you pregnant??

Chioma: Yes, I am. I found out two days ago.

Mr Ambrose: (gives her a hug) of course it is a great news!!! That’s another blessing on the way for us! Congratulations to us!!!
Shasha will be absolutely fine. Kate being with us will make it even easier!!
I need to call my parents and tell them and then go to the village and tell your parents!

Chioma: look at you! Hahahaha! It’s not like it’s my first pregnancy! This is my third missionary journey, babe!

Mr Ambrose: the excitement is no different! I’m going to be a dad!!!

Chioma: what! You became a dad some four and a half odd years ago!

Mr Ambrose: every time seems like the first time!
Yipeeee!

Chioma: you are creating a scene. Look how everyone is looking and smiling at us.

Mr Ambrose: like I care! Oh what an evening!

Chioma: I need to gradually start weaning Shasha.

Mr Ambrose: you know it’s okay to breastfeed until you have your next one. Forget all those rubbish we were fed years ago. So don’t let that bother you.

Chioma: sweetie, remember you promised to help my old course mate by giving him a job. He has been calling and asking when he can come see you.

Mr Ambrose: Ermm, I am still reviewing a few things in that department. I’ll get back to you on that.

Chioma: thank you. He really needs the help.

Mr Ambrose: shall we just talk about us today? We can always talk about other people some other day.

Chioma: I’m sorry

Mr Ambrose: ?
**************************************************

Nina: (????) hello, Charlotte can you hear me!!

Charlotte

????) hi babe! How was the date?

Nina: mtcheew! Man’s not hot! Anyway that’s not why I’m calling. Is Deric around?

Charlotte: no. Actually he’s been in the village. His mum is diabetic and her condition has deteriorated badly. He went to be with her just in case.

Nina: my own mother is dead anyway. But I wish him the best oh!
Hey listen up! Mr Ambrose and his wife were seated right behind us at Food and Fun! They were there playing happy family and I was literally burning inside!
But the good news is that she announced to him that she is pregnant! And I think Deric might be responsible. What do you think?

Charlotte: really? He probably is! Randy He-goat!

Nina: let’s tell her husband!

Charlotte: how?

Nina: I found the wife on Facebook. Her Facebook name is Chiomabeautz. Her profile picture is her wedding picture with her husband. This is what we are going to do.
I will create a fake account with her name and profile picture and you will create a fake account with Deric’s name and profile picture. Then, I’ll use that fake account to send you a message that the numerous sex we had resulted in pregnancy and you will reply me asking me to hang it on my husband.
We will now print the messages and send it to his office with the picture of them hugging!

Charlotte: how do we send it?

Nina: by post! Don’t be a dummy! Obviously we can’t go back there.

Charlotte: girl you bad! But this is a good idea! Since she wants to wreck my home, she will be paid in her own coin!

EPISPDE 12

Caller: (????) Hello, am I on to Charlotte?

Charlotte: Yes, who’s calling?

Caller: Hello, I am Jez from Night Buzz night club.

Charlotte: oh hi!

Caller: are you free to talk?

Charlotte: Yes, I am.

Caller: well, congratulation on your new position as a pole dancer with Night Buzz!

Charlotte: did I get the job!!!!

Caller: oh Yes, you did!!!

Charlotte: yesssssss!?

Caller: are you ready for an immediate start?

Charlotte: Sure!

Caller: great! We’ve seen videos of you dancing and we think you are absolutely amazing!
we’ve got these guys coming over from France tomorrow and they have requested for an hour performance. Are you up for it?

Charlotte: what time?

Caller: the dancing kicks off at 12 midnight but you should be there at 10 to practice with our instructor and to choose a comfortable outfit for yourself. We will pay you in dollars. Sounds good?

Charlotte: how much?

Caller: 500 USD!

Charlotte: That’s too small for an hour

Caller: 5500?

Charlotte: okay, I’ll do the job.

Caller: excellent! Once again, congratulations!

Charlotte: thank you.

Caller: see you tomorrow.

Charlotte: ?????????????
************************************************

Receptionist: good morning, sir.

Mr Ambrose: morning.

Receptionist: you’ve got a letter, sir.

Mr Ambrose: who from?

Receptionist: not sure. It just says private and confidential on the envelope.

Mr Ambrose: leave it on the table. Thanks.

(Mr Ambrose put aside what he was doing, opened the envelope and began to read the letter….)

“Hello, Mr trust!
It will be unfair not to congratulate you
on the news of the baby on the way
I’m sure you must be over the moon!

But, it is unfortunate that the child
Is not yours. The child is Deric’s .
While you were out of the country,
Deric was performing your conjugal
Duties for you. What a helpful guy!

Well, that’s what you get when you
Marry a young and beautiful woman
Please find attached some Facebook
Conversations between your wife and Deric

You may also want to have a look at your
Wife’s bank transactions. Find out the
Receipent of three hundred thousand naira
Last month.
I’m sorry to have ruined your day.
Please do not send her home o!
Who knows, she might repent and become faithful.

Yours faithfully
Mrs busybody
Hahahaha”

(Mr Ambrose couldn’t believe his eyes. He read the printed messages over and over again to ensure he was awake and not dreaming. He pinched himself a couple of times as well. Then he logged into his Wife’s online banking and confirmed that his wife did in fact, send the money. Totally devastated, he picked up his mobile phone and car keys and went to his receptionist)

Mr Ambrose: Emily, if anyone comes looking for me, tell them I am not in for the rest of the week. Mr Ronald can take messages for me.

Receptionist: sir, is everything okay?

Mr Ambrose: no. Can you make anything okay?????

Receptionist: sorry, sir

Mr Ambrose: idiot!

(Mr Ambrose jumped into his car and zoomed off. He got home and rang the doorbell and Chioma opened the door for him..)

Chioma: sweetheart! What’s the matter? Why are you home this early?

Mr Ambrose: everything is fine. Out of my way!

Tatiana: daddy!!!!!!??

Mr Ambrose: Kate!

Kate: yes, sir.

Mr Ambrose: take the kids to Lots Of Ice Cream, now! I transferred ten thousand naira into your account for that.

Kate: but sir, I took them to Lots Of Ice Cream yesterday and they are only allowed to have ice cream only once a week.

Mr Ambrose: I’m sure you are aware that these kids are mine and not yours!

Kate: sorry, sir. Tatiana come on! Let’s go out. Shasha, let get you into your buggy, let’s go out.

Chioma: excuse me!!! I am not letting my children go out in shorts. They’ll be bitten by mosquitoes! Whatever you’ve got to say or do can wait for them to get properly dressed! My children come first! What madness!

Tatiana: daddy, grandma says we should not let mosquitoes eat us.

Mr Ambrose: Kate, be fast about that and take them Out!

Kate: yes sir! (Hurridly dressed the girls and left with them)

Mr Ambrose: (bangs the door behind them)

Chioma: what is the matter??? What’s wrong with you? Did you get robbed? You couldn’t even talk to your girls! I hope you will have answers for Tatiana when she starts asking.

Mr Ambrose: (audibly gnashing his teeth, biting his lips and shedding endless tears)

Chioma: hmmmm! Is mama alright?

Mr Ambrose: Chioma, I vowed to love you, to protect and to provide for you to the best of my ability. What part of the vow have I broken?

Chioma: none! None at all. If anything, you’ve done more than you promised and I am so greatful to God for giving me such a wonderful husband.

Mr Ambrose: why didn’t you tell me I wasn’t satisfying you sexually? I would have done something about it!

Chioma: what is the meaning of that? What are you talking about???

Mr Ambrose: then why did you do it???

Chioma: why did I do What??? I’m getting really impatient with this whole drama!

Mr Ambrose: Chioma, you cheated on me, got pregnant by another man and told me we are having a baby????

Chioma: is this supposed to be an expensive stupid joke????

Mr Ambrose: don’t you dare pretend one more second to me! Go in there, pack your things and leave my house before I do something silly.

Chioma: please do something silly but first explain to me what you mean! I slept with another man? When? Where?. Which man?

Mr Ambrose: you threw dust into my eyes. I believed he was nothing more than an old school mate. I believed you, Chioma because I trusted you. If I didn’t see the messages between you, I wouldn’t have believed it. You even gave him my hard earned money! Before I shut my eyes and open them, be gone with that bastard you are carrying.

Chioma: sweetheart, I can explain the money but I.. I.. i never slept with him nor any other man! I swear to God!????

Mr Ambrose: Chioma I have pictures! Leave my house now!! If you spend one more minute here, I’ll shoot you and shoot myself! Leave now!!!

Chioma: oh! Okay, I’ll…I’ll lea—ve. Please don’t shoot yourself. You can shoot me so that the kids will have someone to look after them. Please I’m leaving but promise me you won’t hurt yourself please. For the sake of our kids. Promise me, please

Mr Ambrose: ?????????

Chioma: (gives him a hug) please, promise me you’ll be fine, please?????

Mr Ambrose

with his eyes tightly shut) I’ll be fine and I’ll look after my children. Just go away from me. Go away from us!

…to be continued

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