TALITHA CUMI Episode 4 – OYEKUNLE LIZZY OYEBOLA

TALITHA CUMI Episode 4 – OYEKUNLE LIZZY OYEBOLA

If I could just see her one more time!

My head swam a bit.

We walked out onto the tarmac and climbing the steps that had been wheeled over to the plane.

Heavy clouds passed over as we boarded the plane.

The doors were pulled closed and the flight attendant gave her safety lesson, the one most of us could even  recite.

I was not thrilled at all. I was feeling so empty within

It began to rain.

The engines started up, the big propellers were becoming a blur, and the plane started moving. My heart pounded as I looked out through the window.

If I could just see her one more time!

I had a window seat and watched us head down the taxiway.

I looked out if someone was waving through the window of the terminal, but I couldn’t see through the glass, and besides, they must have turned around and headed for the jeep by the time we had checked through the gate.

We gathered speed and the rain ran in streams across my window. I was aware of myself gripping the armrests intensely, leaning forward, trying to remember the details of the safety talk just moments before.

The engines whined a pitch higher and then, we were off the ground.

My heart sank then!

I sat back now, still staring out through the tiny window as we climbed up into the rain. We flew into the darkness of the clouds themselves, and still I watched the window.

Suddenly, we came out above the clouds and the entire world was cast in a brilliant white.

But my mind was still very black- I felt so lonely and miserable inside!

When next?

I felt Happie’s head on my shoulder and that was when I remembered that she was near

“You will miss her, right?” She asked and I nodded with all sincerity

Tally had become a part of my life

Even though I had been a very bad influence to her and I had misguided the young heart, I loved her genuinely

“I want to marry her” I said and Happie looked into my face sharply

“You can’t be serious uncle” She said, I noticed the dark circles underneath her eyes and knew I shouldn’t be discussing something like that with someone who was going to pass through another round of trials soon but she had opened my mouth and I couldn’t close it anymore.

“Is she bad?” I asked and she shook her head, her eyes widened

“She is too good for you! That’s just it uncle” She said and I pinched her

She smiled a bit.

“But, she looks sick in a way” I said again and she nodded 

“Even I noticed. She had been eating so much recently . Even the day her dad came to carry her from school, even though she had had dinner, she was still cooking some food. I felt her appetite had just awoken weirdly” She said and laughed

But it was not funny at all

My medical senses had woken up

“Did you notice she looks bigger and fuller now?” I asked again and she started laughing

“Definitely! Why won’t she be fuller when she is eating bowls of food?” She laughed again

But I was not convinced.

“Why did her dad come to pick her from school then?” I asked again and she shook her head

“I don’t know. But she was talking so silently while on phone saying we would see yesterday but I had even forgotten to ask her when we met” She said and my brain did some logical calculations.

“Or, could she be pregnant?” I asked and Happie looked into my face, very shocked

“She can’t be pregnant! She is a virgin! She has known no man before. Pregnant kwa! Chai, uncle! Except you slept with her anyways because it’s both of you that have been close in recent times”

“Oh!” I could say nothing any further

“Did you sleep with her?” She teased me on but I was not ready to tell her anything if Tally hadn’t told her herself.

“Leave me and sleep” I said and she started laughing

“I trust her though!”

“Its me you don’t trust ko?” I raised my nose at her and we laughed together but my mind wasn’t there.

While I hugged her at the lounge, she held on tightly to me but she was rounder. I could feel her curves had grown fuller

Oh my God!

Then, she was crying! Her eyes were very red

Her heart was beating so hard against my chest as if she had something to tell me

Could she be pregnant?

Or could she be going through hell because of me?

I sighed heavily and dropped my head backwards as my heart pumped more than expected blood.

I covered my face with my long-nailed hands and muttered

God, be with her please!

***********************************************

“Is Jeff aware?”

That was the first question Aunty Tessie asked me as I opened my eyes from the sleep I had suddenly fallen into.

I looked around to see that I was in the same pinky room that I had inherited as the newly found Aunty Tessie’s daughter.

There was a sweet smell that wafted into my nose and I close my eyes, widened my nostrils wide to enjoy the tactile sensation it had on my whole being.

Then, I felt her warm hands pressing my bare tummy with tenderness and I flung the windows of my eyes open.

I looked into her face and remembered what I felt just before I fainted.

The hot fluid I felt in my panties, in between my legs

Could I have been pregnant really?

Then, probably because of my falls and careless carriages of my weight, I might have lost the baby.

Right?

A sweet smile enveloped my face and Aunty Tessie smiled at me too as she placed a quick peck on my lips

“I know you love him” She said again and then I remembered she had asked a question at first.

“Is Jeff aware?”

Aware of what? I didn’t seem to understand

“I know you love him”

What was Aunty talking about? I didn’t seem to get it.

“The truth is that I understand feelings more than anyone else” She started and I eventually sat down to face her squarely, the pillow holding my back firmly.

I winced as I felt a sharp pain underneath my tummy and quickly held it to pacify the pain whatever the cause might be.

She saw that and rubbed my tummy gently and sweetly.

“Everyone sees me as weird, someone who needs divine intervention, someone with psychiatric problems and all but they don’t know that I know love, hate, jealousy, envy, I know feelings! I can recognize them when I see them” She said again, her face looking saltless

I swallowed as I listened to her beautiful speech

“As you saw Jeff probably approaching Happie at the airport, I saw envy in your eyes and when he turned to come towards you again, I saw joy unspeakable!” She said and looked into my eyes, her eyeballs moving steadily as they surveyed my face.

I blushed – she was very correct

“I saw frustration in your face as you asked Happie questions as regards Jeff. Wasn’t he coming? When would he come back? All those questions, I read frustration, unhappiness, fear, uncertainty in them and I wondered what could be happening” She continued and I couldn’t hide my embarrassment really!

This was a woman who could tell me almost exactly what I had in mind all those times.

“I wouldn’t see Happie off to the lounge on a norm because her mum calls me weird and insane and sick and bitch and I had sworn never to have anything to do with her and her family again because of that” She said with so much vibrancy, the veins in her head and neck gathering momentum and shooting out.

She looked really pained!

“But because I wanted to get to the root of the matter, I followed her to the lounge. Then I saw you and Jeff hugging so intimately. That brother of mine doesn’t show much affection in front of me but he did hug and said sweet things to you and then, I looked into your face and saw tears! I was speechless!” She said and just like a spell, I was covered from my head to toes with goosebumps and tears ran down my face hastily.

She really did watch me!

“Those tears had some elements of fear, uncertainty, sorrow and a lot of questions in them. You wanted to say some things that I really ached to hear but my impatient brother had turned away. I looked and watched and studied to get answers by myself” She said as she touched my forehead, wiping my sweat with such tenderness and gentility.

“I fixed your belt as you couldn’t move, the glove box hit your leg and I felt bad but you still smiled faintly, trying to tell me it was okay but I was not convinced baby. I looked into your eyes and saw what I felt it was and I smoked right into my head to calm some storms in my brains down. Tears gathered in my eyes and I allowed you see it” She said again and I relived those events in my head.

She had started explaining and giving answers to questions that ran through my mind as I saw her behave weirdly that day.

“You allowed me hug you, you called me mum, you looked tenderly into my face and when I smoked that I felt you would be irritated and disrespect me, you didn’t! It was the best day of my life!” She exclaimed as tears ran into her face.

“I have never given birth to any child myself” She said suddenly and I looked into her face to understand perfectly.

“My mother had just three of us. Mandy, Jeff and I. We were all wayward until I met a man who preached to me and I had to be a born again person. He married me and just four years into the marriage without kids, he started misbehaving.” She said and paused suddenly.

“Why am I telling you this?” She asked and smiled a bit

“I guess because I can see something similar about happening to you darling.” She said and I looked shocked

Happening to me?

What was she talking about?

“I thank God you hate religion!” She said with such firmness that made her jump up from the bed.

I wanted to tell her that it was not that I hated religion but it was just a temporary problem that shall soon pass that made me say those nasty words earlier but I couldn’t speak. I wanted her to land.

“Religion is a mistake! People hide behind religion with their baggage hung across their backs, weighing them down and lie that they are spiritual. That they have some power” She said again as she moved to the table and took a bottle of wine which she uncorked and started gulping down her throat.

I sat up, my heart thumping with so great fear!

She walked back to me and placed her hands on my chest almost immediately. She bent before me and looked deeply into my eyes

“Are you scared of me too?” She asked and I was shocked

“Scared? Scared of my mum? Nah!” I eventually said when I found my voice.

It did work like magic and she sat beside me on the bed, fumbling with my fingers.

“I was the only one of the three children of my mum that chose to practice Christianity. Mandy, Happie’s mum chose our mum’s modelling path and Jeff was just a nominal christian anyways. I was the one that was keen on taking on the real born again thing”

“You love Jeff, right?” She asked and as if being controlled by some extra-terrestrial powers I nodded and she smiled

“I loved Jerry just as you love Jeff” I watched her lips as she explained to me how she had married Jerry who later became a pastor.

How she was barren for four years and how she had caught Jerry in bed with her housemaid on an occasion and her friend on another occasion and how she had threatened to report to the church.

“But I couldn’t report him. I bore the pains inside of my heart. I was going to die in bitterness but I didn’t! I loved Jerry too much! He was the one who had led me to Christ. He was the one! How could he fall into adultery those times and not feel sorry? I was so sad”

Then, tears started running into her eyes and I was touched

“My parents asked me to divorce him but I had been taught never to do that. I endured it  until I heard he was married with two kids to another woman. I was shocked! I confronted him and he denied until he realized I heard evidences”

“Oh men!” I exclaimed and she shook her head

“No! Oh Christians! That is the right thing to say!” She exclaimed and I was very shocked

“Christians are not that bad mum! Some weeds are among the wheat indeed but Jesus saves! He delivers!” I eventually spoke out

“Oh really! And that was why I went to eventually meet the church committee and they sent me for psychiatric test right?” She was getting really furious but I was eventually ready to speak for the Lord my God!

I was ready!

“Jerry lied that I was sick upstairs and they also believed. If Jesus saves, why didn’t He reveal to the church that I was innocent and Jerry was lying? Answer me” She said on top of her voice, fastening her eyes on mine so intently.

She moved to the table and grabbed the bottle again. Her throat made some guzzling sounds as the liquor sank deep.

“Everyone in the church started stigmatizing and looking at me one kind as a crazy person. If I was truly crazy, were they supposed to run away from me? Is the Jesus not a Jesus for everybody? Is Jesus for the sane alone? It was published in the media that I was insane and that if anyone finds me, such would be rewarded but pumpkin, I was seated in the couch at home watching as the news was being cast. Why couldn’t He save?” She had started crying and I just couldn’t watch on.

I imagined what she had gone through and the stigma and I knew beyond all reasonable doubts that they had chased a soul to hell!

“My popular family was stained! My family members turned their backs at me. My mum cursed me for going the Jesus’ way. And you tell me He saves really? I chose Him and He couldn’t defend His name, huh?” She asked me again, looking so furious

“I can understand mum” I had started crying too

“He left this country with his two children and wife to God knows where. I remained in here waiting for years. It was after a few years that the church realized that it was all a lie. Why? They chased me to drag me back into their lives of misery but never! I will rather sink in hell than sleep in an unfair heaven!” She said vehemently and I covered my mouth.

She had gone really deep!

I will rather sink in hell than sleep in an unfair heaven!

Oh my!

“But mum, it’s actually a life without Jesus that is full of misery” I said and she shook her head and looked into my face

“I actually thought you were free and you know the truth! I was wrong!” She said, looking disappointed

“Jesus is the only way, the truth and the life mum” I said as I made to bend beside her.

She shot me a dangerous look that made me retreat to the bed.

“OK mum, now without Jesus, are you any better? Are you fulfilled? Are you happy? Is everything…” I was saying when she threw the bottle at the wall.

The bottle shattered and broke into pieces.

She started weeping as she charged at me

“My life isn’t any better, no! I am miserable, tick!  I am sick in all places, double yes! I am not happy, affirmed! But yes I know I don’t believe in some powers that will fail me. I smoke and drink and wait for the day I will die and finish! I am responsible for me! I am not committed to some incapable gods” She said as she pulled at my collar

“The Almighty God is the most capable God ever! He is the only true God! Nothing can give you joy asides Him. You don’t do Him any favor by accepting Him. You do yourself a favor.” As I spoke, she tightened her grip on my neck as her tears fell on my blouse.

I struggled to talk still as she released her grip on my neck gradually

“Mum, you just don’t smoke and drink and wait for the day you will die and finish! You can never finish! There is still life after death. Your reception to God in this life will determine His reception of you in the hereafter.” I said and she fell to the floor, wailing so loudly.

I adjusted my ruffled blouse and swallowed some spittle to moisturize my desert-throat.

“Mum, I love you and I care about you so much” I said and realized that she calmed down a bit though she still jerked intermittently between her sobs

I bent beside her and had her look into my face

She looked like a rain-soaked puppy who needed warmth

I wrapped my arms around her and patted her back with care as my heart emitted real love like I had never felt before.

“When you sat with me in the car and cared for me, I realized that you are someone lovable. I found my mum in you!” I said and she pushed me away from her and looked deep into my eyes

“Are you for real? You found your mum in me?” She asked as tears strolled down her face the more.

But I was very sincere!

“I did! I do!” I said and she hugged me again as she wept profusely

“Thank you! Thanks! I had never heard someone whisper in my ears that I am loved in ten years. Never! Not friends, not parents, not family, Not Happie, not Mandy, not Jeff, nobody! This means a lot to me Pumpkin, it does” She sobbed on

***************************

“Oh my my my my! With that beautiful song by Frank Edwards featuring Don Moen titled Ka Anyi Bulie, we have come to the end of this programme. I really know and I am sure that you have enjoyed the programme- Tango With Dove” I swallowed as I adjusted the headset and smiled into the mic

I loved my job so well!

“All thanks to God Almighty who has been the anchor so far. My producer Olotu Ifeoluwa, my audio assistant Don Mic himself, oh my! I so enjoy working with you” I said and the duo smiled at me through the glassy window

“All thanks to all who contributed too from home. Your responses make us really happy here and it gladdens our heart that you are always staying tuned. Thanks to all who called Somidipipe, Chidinma, Hassan, Tally erm sorry Tally..erm, sorry Sally.” I paused at this and then quickly resumed as my producer shot me a quick look.

“Till next week when I will be coming your way with a new edition of  the show. I remain Bowen Adameji but my friends call me Dove. Have a wonderful day” I said and quickly drew up the red button before me.

I covered my face, muttered some words of prayer and then picked up my notebook and the bottle of water that was right in front of me.

Thank You Jesus!

I walked through towards the control room to say hello to my crew members.

“Nice job, Dove!” My producer said and shook my hands

“Another meritorious award this year!” The audio assistant said and I could only laugh.

If that happened, that would make the fifth award in less than two years!

“But, what’s with Tally?” My producer asked and I stopped in my tracks

“Tally?” I asked, so shocked

“Do you have a girlfriend now?” He asked, laughing so mischievously

“I don’t have but why Tally?” I wanted to know

The only Tally I knew was the one at home- Joe’s coveted but embattled jewel!

“Ah, I should ask you that question nah. You kept saying Tally when what you wanted to say was Sally. That wanted to spoil your beautiful presentation”

“Really! I didn’t even pay much attention to that” I said and he smiled

“This is the second time you are making that mistake since you came back from Abuja. Let’s see when next you make it. I will disturb your programme” He joked around

“Tally! Oh my…sorry, really?” I asked to be sure

“You just said it again now. Tally instead of really” He said again. They began to laugh so loud but I could only gasp

“What sort of a mistake is this Lord?” I asked myself as I swiped my ID card against the electronic door leading to my office.

The door opened and I went in.

Tally?

“What’s happening Lord?” I asked again

I picked my phone and dialed my mum’s number but it was not reachable- she must be at work!

I tried Joe’s number and he picked

We exchanged pleasantries and his voice was very much better compared to the last time we had left on a not so nice mood.

“So, how about Tally?” I asked and he gave me a long hiss

“Bros, I have moved on.” He said and I shook my head

“Thank God for you but have you tried getting across to her at all?”

“Nope! I don’t see any reason to” He said

“What of mum and dad? They didn’t call her too?” I asked

“Nope! The lady is under discipline for now”

“Discipline includes not making calls across to her also?”

“I don’t know bro. Please, let’s forget about that”

“No problem. Just make sure you tell mum to call me when you get home”

“Bro, Eric is presently taking me to the airport. I am going back to Ukraine for my Master’s” He said

“What! That’s so sudden! You weren’t planning on telling me?” I asked

“Sorry bro, I’ve got to go now. Talk to you when I get to Ukraine. Much love” He said and the line dropped

I was disturbed in my spirit

“What is God telling me? Is the lady troubled or sad or something?” I asked myself and I quickly went on my knees

I command peace to your spirit Talitha!

***************************

We held each other for a long time before we disengaged and sat in front of each other, staring on with sweet smiles

I had to break the silence when it was becoming awkward

“Mum, so, what are you saying about Jesus?” I asked and her smile waned

“Can I ask you some questions” She asked and I nodded

“Where does your father live?” She asked and I gasped a bit

“Abuja. Here in Abuja” I said and she nodded, smiling

“Why are you in Abuja now instead of being in school and why are you in a stranger’s house instead of your father’s house?” She asked and I knew exactly where she was going. My heart started skipping

Lord, how do I defend Your Name now?

I wasn’t confident that I wouldn’t fail God!

“I sinned. My father is a pastor and I had hidden it from him. The church found out and….”

“You were excommunicated from the church and your father disowned you, right?” She asked and I checked those words well

They were right

“I wasn’t totally excommunicated anyways” I said and she started laughing out loud as she stood up and walked to the bed. She picked my phone and brought it to me

“Call your father now” She said and I looked at her, very shocked

“Mum?” I called to be sure.

“You really can’t? You see!” she said and I gasped as I didn’t know what to say any further

But I couldn’t give up

“I sinned mum. I needed to be punished” I said and she shook her head as she smiled mockingly

“Is that how the God you serve is? He deals with you until you don’t even know the correct thing to do again? He beats and deals with you and like a banana peel throws you into the bin? Huh?” She asked and I smiled too as if I knew what exactly to say.

“I will be forgiven. I am very sure! When my dad gets over the shock, he will forgive me. To err is human and to forgive divine mum. I have erred and sincerely, I have to go back to Divinity to help me touch my dad to forgive me” I said and her face shone brightly at me.

“Really! You think so? Ok, let’s do it then pumpkin. Let’s do it” She said as she pulled closer to me and held my hands

“Do what mum?” I was clueless and she smiled on, grinning from ear to ear

“I accept the fact that I probably didn’t pray the right prayers and then I also accept that Jerry and his pastors and the church must have made a big mistake and then I didn’t do things right. Fine!” She smiled and I nodded as I looked into her face attentively

“Okay mum”

“Then you also have erred and then forgiveness is divine. So, what we will do is this baby girl. Pick up your phone and send what I will say to your dad” She said and I picked up the phone indeed

“Are you ready?” She asked and I nodded

Dad, I am very sad for my wrong doing. I have sinned against heaven and before you. But, could you still forgive me dad? I will be fasting for three days, eating at 8 every night to get back on the track with God. Could you reach out to me before that fasting period ends? Can you prove that truly to forgive is divine?”

I sent the message and looked into her face.

“We give him the three days starting from tomorrow to get back to you. If he gets back to you, I will give my life back to Jesus and assume that I met with the wrong set of christians at first. That all Christians are really not like that” She said and my eyes enlarged in realization of what she said

“What!” I exclaimed and she smiled beautifully

My heart started thumping at this

“And you are really going to fast and pray o. No food till 8pm daily. Ask God to touch his mind and let him reach out. I will give up to Jesus” She said again and my heart started drumming

I was very scared

It didn’t look as if my dad’s stony heart would be dissolved to forgive me in three days.

If after three days, he didn’t reach out to me, she would laugh at me! She will laugh at the Lord God!

My phone beeped and she picked it up.

As she pressed it, she shook her head and looked into my eyes sadly.

“Pumpkin, they are the same everywhere” She said, dropped my phone and stood up.

She started walking towards the door and I picked my phone.

It’s good you go back to God in prayer girl! Meanwhile, I am not your father. May God forgive your sins

Tears rushed to my eyes suddenly.

How I wish my dad knew it was a game of soul winning and he will stop joking around!

How I wish he will cooperate and let’s save this lost soul together!

“Yasss, give me your phone baby! No phone for the three days!” She said and I looked shocked the more

I was going to use the phone to constantly pester my dad to come over, if not for me, for Aunty Tessie’s soul but she collected it!

She took the phone from me and paused to look into my face.

“You are not supposed to be fasting this season. I forgot” She said as she scratched her head

“Why?” I asked and then she smiled as she looked at my tummy.

She pulled me up from where I was seated and guided me to the bed where I sat and she sat beside me

“How many months is it?” She asked

“What?” I asked, shocked. I traced her eyes and realized she was looking at my tummy

I started laughing

“I am not pregnant mum!”

“Really!”

“Yes. Those mummies in the church said because every parts of me are getting bigger and fuller that I have become pregnant but ma, in movies and story books, pregnancies are always accompanied by nausea and cold and vomit especially but me, I feel so strong o. I am sure it was just a mistake”

“Really!” She exclaimed again, looking speechless.

“Yes ma” I said confidently

“Have you had any pregnancy test conducted?” She asked and I shook my head

“Oh! But I guess my dad had one conducted on me without my consent anyways. He gave me the result and it said positive” I said and she nodded

“So, the hospital tests were wrong? Is that what you are saying?” She asked

“No mum. Who am I to say that?” I asked, smiling confidently. I held her hands and gave a touch of trust

“Mum, I only met with him…” I had not landed before she cut in

“Jeff right?” She asked expectantly and I nodded, quite shamefully

“He is the only guy that has ever climbed me. It was just once mum! I can’t be pregnant.” I said again and she shook her head

“How many days did it take before your egg in your mum’s womb become fertilized?” She asked and I smiled

I was just so confident that I was not pregnant or if I was mistakenly pregnant, I had lost it that time that I rushed to the bathroom

“The day you ran into the bathroom, what happened to you? Any nausea?” She asked and that was when my confidence started shaking.

“Yes. My throat was irritated and my stomach felt so empty and I felt heavily sticky in my pants” I said and she came close to me, holding my face in her hands

“How will you feel now if you discover you are pregnant?” She asked and I shook my head

“I can’t be pregnant! I can’t!” I exclaimed

“What if you are? I am not saying you are” She said and I tried to think of how it would be

Pregnant?

“Ah, it’s not possible ni mummy. No!” I exclaimed

“I suspected that something was wrong with you yesterday and I had been asking you but you covered your white face with pretty smiles. Well, I was determined to check it out myself if you are pregnant….” She was saying but I was becoming uneasy

“Its obvious on my face that I am pregnant? How is that possible?” I asked and she smiled ruefully as if she could read my despair.

“I have practiced nursing from my youth till now and even if no one has told you before, I am the chief matron at the state hospital. I know what I do” She said and I was aghast

“I don’t get ma” I still said as I was not just confused. My eyes had started swimming in hot tears

“You fell in my arms while you were in the bathroom last night and I had my opportunity of running severally tests on you. From the airport yesterday, you will notice I stopped at a chemist. It was then and there I bought a new rapid test kit which I used on you” She explained on and I started wheezing as my asthma started

“Wait, don’t say the result ma! Don’t!” I exclaimed as I tried to bring my chest to a calm

I just didn’t take the whole thing serious.

I was still playing around as if nothing had happened

How could I have been so clueless?

“Mum, there was something sticky between my legs. What was it? Blood?” I asked and she shook her head.

“It was feces”

“What!”

“You must have dropped some of that as the vomiting took you by surprise. The pressure of your tummy must have…”

“So, it’s really positive? I am pregnant?” I asked and she looked deep into my face

“You should be grateful pumpkin! I never had a baby. My womb is….” she was saying when I jumped up suddenly and started stamping my feet on the floor.

“It is a lie ooooo! Ah! My Father, this can’t be happening to me! Pregnant?” I asked myself on and on while Aunty Tessie could only watch on, tears rolling down her face as she shook her head in regrets.

***********

“How critical is her condition?” I asked, my lips jumping up in fear

“Are you her family member?”

“I am her daughter. No daddy, none at all, nobody is available here but me. Talk to me doctor.” I was so afraid.

“She can’t survive it!” He suddenly dropped and I jumped up in fear

“Ah! What happened? Why? Talk to me doc. I am a medical personnel myself. I can understand” I said, trying to brace myself up

“Its stage 4 glioblastoma”

“What!” I exclaimed with such deep voice as if I was in soup and I really was!

“Doc, brain cancer? Oh my God!” I exclaimed as I swallowed

“She was supposed to have had two surgeries and should have gone through series of radiation and chemo but she had always said no! None of her family members even came when we sent for them.” He said on and on and as much as I wanted to hold in my tears, I couldn’t

No wonder she was assumed to be a psychiatric patient!

No one could even come close to know how she really felt!

Ah, Lord God!

“We know there is no cure for this and life expectancy is less than 2 years. It has been 23 months now already” He said on and I knew the end was just so near

She couldn’t survive it!

No!

I started crying seriously

“Lord, why are you wicked? Why are you treating me like this Lord? I have offended you and I have said I am sorry. Even in my state, I still fasted and cried and prayed. What exactly do you want from me? Stop taking these dear ones from me to deal with me. Kill me and take my life but leave these innocent ones Lord! Ehn!”

I couldn’t control my tears anymore!

I had been weak over the days as I had cried and prayed and studied my Bible as if I had a professional exam on it for the past three days but heaven seemed shut against me!

A day had passed

Then the second

And then, the third!

My dad hadn’t called, neither had he returned my text!

“I thought You were a real God but it seems You have expired! Yes! I think You are sleeping or fainting or even dead! Yes!”As I spoke on, I shook with the realization of the blasphemous words coming from my mouth but I couldn’t caution them at all!

“First it was my mum, then, I strayed and You allowed me stray! Then, You took my dad, my family friends, the church from me but I still would have survived. You suddenly picked up Uncle Jeff and Happie my only friends as a hawk carries a chick with its claws. You are a ruthless God!”

I cried on and as much as the doctor tried to stop me, I couldn’t be stopped at all.

“The only one person that has been my Saviour since You stopped saving me, You are taking her away from me again? Ehn?” I cried on as if I was going to win some lottery if I cried harder

“Sir, Matron Tessie is gasping and calling for Tally” A nurse came around to tell the doctor and I widened my eyes in shock

“Gasp…gini?” I asked as I pulled at the doctor’s robe.

As we ran inside the ward, I heard the shouts of Eddie who had driven me to the hospital calling me from behind

“Sister, the phone” He called out but I couldn’t stop to answer him.

My mind was already shattered

Only if I could stop this soul from going to hell!

I still knew with the small piece of heart remaining in me that God exists

Only if He could prove it now!

You have just these few minutes Lord!

If You fail me now, I will be lost too! I will be lost Lord!

“Sister, phone!” Eric called again and something in his voice made me stop in my tracks suddenly

I had sent him to go and get the phone from home when the doctor asked me what could have been the cause of her sudden seizure

I was studying Isaiah 58 earlier in the day and asking for mercy when I suddenly heard her scream from the sitting room.

I ran out suddenly to see her clinging to her phone.

As I tried to take the phone from her, she struggled with me. She threw the phone on the floor and fell on it, probably trying to stop me from seeing whatever was inside.

She then started gasping and then became unresponsive.

In my bid of getting Eddie to help take her to the hospital, I had forgotten about the phone until the doctor interrogated me

Seeing Eddie screaming about the phone, I was scared

“What is it?” I called out suddenly, my voice enveloped in fears. He handed the phone over to me as he tried to catch his breath

I looked at the phone but my eyes had suddenly gone blurry!

“It can’t be!” I muttered as I looked into the phone again.

As the image got clearer, my eyes got blurrier!

“No!” I shouted as I fell on one of my knees suddenly with great trembling

“No!” I screamed again as the image in the phone stared at me

“No!” I screamed again as it looked so real.

I threw the phone at the wall suddenly and the pieces flew back to me

I rolled on the floor with great trembling as I couldn’t believe what was happening to me just recently

Ah, why? Why? I asked on

“Erm..” I heard the doctor’s voice and I jumped up

I wanted to be sure that there was still a bit of hope in this case

Even if it is one point of hope, I would be glad

But,

the doctor’s look!

And the nurses’ looks!

And the doctor’s shaking of head like he was a dangling piece of art!

And my failing heart

And my growing hatred for whoever God was!

I knew it….

-I had lost her!

I fell to the ground, my hands blocking my ears.

I let out a heart-rendering scream that made my bum bang on the floor again and again!

I had lost her!

#OpraDre