HOW I BECAME A GOAT (A true life story) – Chika Christina
I am a goat…and no,I’m not insulting myself,actually i am truly a goat;a black goat with dark eyes.
My name is Tony, I am a very handsome promising young man who has a lot of aspirations and dreams. I am the only son of my father.
I lived with my father alone after my mothers death in a small town in the eastern part of Nigeria. Everyone around me loved me because of my intelligent and charisma.
We are not rich, but we don’t starve…yes,But even as we don’t starve which is the most important thing,I was still not happy and contented. I wanted more,I wanted to own a lot of things including good foods;at least better than the normal yams,beans and rice we ate on a daily bases..I wanted varieties. I am the type of guy who like enjoyment,I love good foods and good life.
I forgot to mention,I am a graduate from a reputable university in Nigeria and I made second class upper degree,yet I was jobless.
My father sold one from the only two lands he had just to see me through the university,that was the promise he made to my late mother on her sick bed;he assured her that their only child must be a graduate and a successful man.
My mother died when I was just a teenager, I had no idea life without a mother would be so difficult but I had to adjust,at least for my father.
This added to my frustrations and made me a terrible murmurer, i murmured and hissed like a woman; tufiakwa…
sometimes it annoys me seeing myself display those women traits but I didn’t care to change at all,after all god did not create murmuring for only women…I hated the fact that some of my friends were big boys in town and I was at home eating papa thanks sir,did you remain small?
I always ask God every morning
“God I’m I a chair ???
Like I feel frustrated more in the mornings,I guess my anger doesn’t like morning because I don’t feel so angry at night;I feel happy going to my bed every night but I always wake up with a terrible anger the next day,just like PEAK,anger is in me..
“Life is a misery and it is beyond what you see or think you know” that was my father’s favorite words to me anytime I talk off point as he fondly referred to those my rants.
One morning,I knelt down for the very first time to pray to God as I woke up, I was praying in Queens English and my voice sounded like Celine Dion, chaii..if not for one thing I would have entered studio that day meennn,fine boy with fine voice,I praised myself, but I felt God was not hearing my prayers I then decided to humble myself and prayed in pidgin English ;”God abeg na,abeg abeg ..help me na die I Dey…abeg please biko God,but nothing happened…my prayers were not answered, I was disappointed that my prayers were delaying. I wanted God to answer me immediately even though in my mind I knew I prayed rubbish.
On that Saturday morning, I was lamenting as usual because we were having yam porridge for breakfast,my father woke up early enough just to prepare that meal but instead of appreciating his efforts and strength I condemned the food as always…
I threatened my father that nothing would make me eat that rubbish in the kitchen..my father looked at me in dismay and looked up to heaven,then asked God “where did he get this boy from and sent to him as a son….
I became more angry,the way I get angry eh can be studied in the university as a course.
I can stand for hours hissing and murmuring,since I am jobless I can proudly say murmuring is what I do for a living.Any day I don’t whine,hiss and murmur in the house, my father will think I am dying and he would go to the chemist close to our house to get me some Malaria and Typhoid drugs and force me to take them. In his words,a living dog is better than a dead lion…
My father went ahead to dish his own Yam porridge since I refused to eat..well I didn’t care.
I had this friend that I was so close to,we call each other brother,he was more than a friend to me. We visited each other’s house and do a lot of things together. I always complained to him and he has tried severely to help my situation…on that faithful day he brought some news as usual, and I wish I could turn back the hands of time and not listen to him…but unfortunately, it was too late.
To think that I walked into my doom with my own two legs,I used my own hands to destroy myself…
HOW I BECAME A GOAT Episode 2 – Chika Christina
That morning I was murmuring my morning murmur,yes I call it morning murmur because it was like a morning ritual…the way I brush in the morning was how I murmur, sometimes sef my father will remind me in the morning and say “Tony you have not murmured your morning murmuring o” i will then reply “oh it is true o,I almost forgot ,I am coming o”thank you for reminding me…
I will then come outside in anger like a wounded lion and start ranting and murmuring.
As I was causing and regretting the reason for my existence my friend Abiola came in, my friend came from a Yoruba family..a very respectful and rich family,I sometimes eat good food in his house; better food like Salad,fried eggs,noodles etc…those were what I called good food meeennn, not those every day yam and beans.
The day I ate fried rice in his house I became mad at my father when he asked me to go and prepare jollof rice with fish,ordinary dead ice fish o when my mates were eating chicken,turkey and better goat meat.
So back to that Saturday morning, as my friend entered I became so furious because he was smiling while entering my compound. He greeted my father good morning and came straight to where I was standing like a tree. “O boy keep your face well abeg, stop keeping face like shit” he said to me still smiling
I swear if not for one thing I for comot your teeth this morning, what is good about this morning? Why do you always come here happy? After drinking tea and bread in your house,you will bring out 32 and come here smiling, Idiot…he laughed his lungs out because that was my usual thing whenever he comes in the morning,I think I can now proudly say my pains hates day time…if not how can you explain the morning angers? Well that is by the way…
Abiola dragged me to the corner and told me there was good news,he said I would be so happy to hear it; I managed to smile small but I made sure my teeth did not show because this my mumu friend is fond of giving me false hope and bringing nonsense ideas on how to solve my problems.
He told me there was a job vacancy he saw somewhere close to the major road of my town, that the pay was good and this might be my poverty elevation crown of victory, I was like,are you sure? He said yes…I then asked him the type of job? He suggested we go there together that he cannot tell me himself because he doesn’t know yet.
I was skeptical at first but I didn’t have a choice,what can man do na…so I followed him without even informing my father of my whereabouts and I wish I did
I followed Abiola to the place he was talking about and sincerely I was having cold fit but man gat to be man meeenn…
As we arrived the office,someone welcomed us and gave us a sit. We sat down while watching the football match showing on the big plasma tv in the reception room.
Abiola then told me that,if everything goes well that I must settle him,I looked at him in anger…yes,it was still morning so my morning anger has not subsided yet,at least not until night…you see your life?I asked him,my life?
What happened to my life? Omo stop that play o,you will settle me.
I don’t even know the nature of the job or if I am going to be employed and you’re already taxing me,upon all the money your family has…sometimes I wonder why I am still friends with you,are you normal sef? I asked Abiola who was already killing himself with laughter,I guess he’s already used to my Aja onu (bad mouth) we relaxed and enjoyed our Match,as we waited for someone to attend to us.
After some time,a man came out from one of the offices..he walked straight to us and asked who amongs us needed the job,I raised my hands up happily and stood up immediately like a soldier ready for war, yes it was indeed a war
HOW I BECAME A GOAT Episode 3 – Chika Christina
He asked me to follow him,Abiola wanted to join us but he asked him to wait there at the reception.
I was not so comfortable with the way he refused Abiola coming in with us but I thought for a moment that if I’m going to be interviewed then why should I go with him..the way I was so desperate to change my life I wasn’t ready for any thing to pull me back . I really need to make it,so I can afford all the lucrative things and food I have ever wanted.
While I followed him I looked back and my friend gave me thumbs up while smiling with his 32…
you know sometimes I wonder why I have never slapped at least one tooth out of his mouth,because the rate at which the guy smiles eh,I have told him to avoid me with those his smiles,most especially in the morning when my anger is still fire to avoid a resetting hot slap…Seeing smiles I shocked my head while I followed the elderly looking rich man to the office.
We have a good proposal for you young man,and from now on you can’t back out…those words sounded like thunder to my ears,we sat opposite each other in a small decorated office as he said those words to me.
I was still confused when another elderly man came inside the office,I was wondering why everyone was looking old in that company…so no young person here,with this my anger and bad mouth I needed my age grades because I wouldn’t want to disrespect my father’s age mates and get sacked o.
Good morning sir,I greeted immediately…but he did not respond to my greeting,and that kind thing too dey vex me…i don beat person before because of that thing,I will waste my greetings? is that playing?
Young man what is your name? he asked as he sat down on one of the sit…my name is Tony sir, welcome on board Tony…you are already rich and made, I looked on in more confused eyes and wanted to ask questions but I was interrupted by the first man…he told me to relax and hear them out first.
And by the way,I have not beaten anybody because of greetings before…where I see strength? I know I am a man but I don’t have any single bone,na only mouth I get;like a woman.
I have been asking myself who I offend?all the nonsense traits of women full my body,yet I am a full bodied man with balls..nawa oo
Back to our meeting in the office..
We want you to do just a little thing for us and you are made,just a little…while they were talking I over heard some whispers from the window,saying this one go bring money well well,look at his freshness…his head can produce huge achievements and I became weak,I started sweating immediately even though the AC was turned on..the seriousness on their faces didn’t help my matter too..
Nna m eh
I wept in my spirit ,what have I gotten myself into…”Let me leave immediately o”…I thought to myself. As I stood up to go or rather run away, the unexpected happened..I’m I dreaming or what…when did this guys enter here?…
As I turned I saw two hefty men standing right in front of me..
Normally I no kuku strong na,so I quietly went back to my sit shaking like a wet rat..
You have just two options here right now,is either you do what we want or die said the second man.
Hearing those words,the earth became non and void right before me…
HOW I BECAME A GOAT Episode 4 – Chika Christina
And for the very first time,I recollected my father’s word, “Life is a misery and it is beyond what you see and think you know“ at that point I forgot my name because the second man kept calling my name..
I couldn’t remember I was the one bearing Tony…
Your friend can’t even save you now because he was told to go home and come back later in the evening ,we told him that you have started work..
Tony by the time he will come back here,this place will be empty.
So the choice is yours…you will open one of this calabash”
one of the men brought in two black colored calabash and placed them on the table…open anyone of your choice and whatever happens afterwards happens,and Mr man don’t waste our time;we don’t have all day..
You are actually wasting our time and we don’t play with time because time is money and I might lose my patience and if I lose it you will wish you were never born on this earth..you will regret your life..
I started crying immediately, I told them I am the only child and hope of my father,I told them I didn’t want the money or anything they wanted to offer me and I will not tell on them if they let me go…my father will be worried about me by now because I didn’t tell him of my whereabouts; I cried..
you could practically hear my heartbeats from another room,omo I found out immediately that Yam,Rice and Beans were actually delicious,in fact I stan those food and Pakistan sef I love those food so much o ,I want to go home ,I cried like a woman..
Chaii look at what they have reduced a grown up man, me that has swag…a crying woman…a fearfully made woman…ewoo chim o,oh lord “Tony you are finished o,you are finished.
But I never knew I was this weak o,if you see me talking and causing you will think I gather liver,but facing life and death has brought out the cowardice in me; I don’t care o,call me a coward na…is it your coward?
Papa o ,father ooo..
I got a resounding slap that brought me back to reality, and I became deaf for some seconds before I started hearing bird’s singing in my ear,and then I heard Ogene sound, then I heard sirens and then finally a voice echoing it is finished..
God why me? I lamented in my heart while holding my fine face,at first I thought I was bleeding on my face…chaii,big boy like me?
“Sit down my friend” one of the hefty men shouted angrily..
As I was struggling to sit down properly I mistakenly hit my hands on one of the calabash and it opened on my face…and I became blind immediately. . .
#OpraDre HOW I BECAME A GOAT HOW I BECAME A GOAT HOW I BECAME A GOAT HOW I BECAME A GOAT HOW I BECAME A GOAT
To be continued
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